It's that time; everywhere you look there's something you see referencing pregnancy, symptoms of all sorts make there appearance legit or not. It can make a girl feel crazy. Of course there's all the emotions attached to it as well, you get excited at every twinge only to later want to dig yourself a hole and hide while the storm clouds hang over your head. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why can't we just carry on like it's any other week?
Currently I am waiting to see my fate as the final few days of my 2ww pass. Do I think there's a chance I could be pregnant? Of course, I tell myself this every month. I'm sure I've mentioned before how despite hubby wanting us to just "see what happens" we often end up dancing* during my "fertile time". There's something about that week that makes hubby subconsciously more willing to dance. No complaints from me ;) And since my past few cycles have been a little wonky and made me wonder if I'm even ovulating regularly...so this past cycle I've started a bit of detective work to try and see what's up. I am fairly certain I indeed ovulated, so I guess time will tell. By Sunday at the latest I will have my answer, if AF is going to show her nasty face she could show as early as tomorrow. Of course if she does I will be upset, usually there's a moment of anger in there too, but I will have to remind myself we are not trying. We are not preventing but we are not trying.
But what does that really mean? Sometimes I worry that I won't get pregnant, and then when it's time to actually try it won't happen either...what if I am wasting all this time by "not trying", if there's something wrong doctors make you wait a year before they do anything about it. That's a long time, then add in whatever amount of time we waste by "not trying" ...*sigh*
Another side effect of the 2ww - anxious imagine the worst case anxiety.
I know I am not the only one eagerly waiting for a chance at a rainbow, cousin #2 is on cycle day 28 and most likely holding her breath. The metformin the doctor put her on shortened her cycle to 27days last month, so if we go by that she's a day late. So fingers crossed for for a sticky bfp for her. There's a part of me that not only wants my own bfp but for cousin#2 and I to be able to go thru this together. I want our babies to grow up together and have the type of relationship I didn't get the chance to have with her. In case you don't understand what I mean I only met cousin #2 four years ago. Of course I will be thrilled for her even if I'm not pg she's struggled for three years now.
Blog friends Maria and Diana are also waiting. I've been sending out lots of positive thoughts and prayers for everyone. One thing I find making it easier for me has been counting down the days for these ladies <3
Oh the 2ww crazies... Lol
Doesn't help that hubby is away tonight at a motley crue concert and I'm left here to think about everything without distraction. But at least I get to watch anything I want on tv ;)
