Last night as I lay in bed trying to sleep I kept thinking about that night. This
happens every now and then when my mind is quiet. The memories creep back
in like a bad dream, except it wasn't a dream. What I'm remembering was real.
It usually starts like little flashbacks that then grow into a steady stream. I try not
to think too long because the reality of it scares me.
The blood - It started that day like a heavy period, this I was expecting. After
dinner it intensified and while in the washroom realized my pad was almost full.
I told Hubby it was time to go home. While standing in the doorway waiting for
him it really started to come - "forget home lets go to the hospital, something’s not
right" when we got to the hospital 25 minutes later there was a puddle on the seat
of the car and my pants were soaked.
The triage nurse - it was his first night I remember he told me that as he gathered
all my information. He seemed slightly excited and nervous at the same time. Later
once in my room he came back to check on me
The parade of nurses - the senior more experienced nurses took over including
the charge nurse, I forget all their names there were too many. I barely even saw
the nurse who had been assigned to me... she was young, maybe too new to
handle a situation like mine.
The blood - I remember the feeling of the blood just pouring out, when it first
started I only felt it when standing, now I was laying flat on my back and it
was like someone had turned on a facet inside me. The fear it wasn't going to stop
The IV's - There were two, one in my left wrist the other my right inner elbow.
One failed attempt to put one in had left my left hand bruised and sore. The fluid
going through them felt like ice cold water in my veins.
The pain - In the begging it was like period cramps, only much stronger and then
the contractions started. This was their first plan to stop or at least slow the bleeding,
they gave me a drug called pitocin to make my body go into contractions. The
contractions felt like intense muscle cramping raging through my whole body. First
it was a dull ache in my lower back, which then spread around my torso to my
lower abdomen. Eventually I could feel it in my legs, neck and arms.
My head hurt so badly - my left side of my face and temple like they were going to
explode, the one nurse didn't seem to know why, I think it was the contractions.
That didn't exactly make me feel better when she didn't know, now my mind
is running wild with possibilities "what if its a blood clot?" "Am I going to die?"
The Doctor - "If we can't stop the bleeding were going to have to go to
the OR" and then "nurse cross her blood type in case we need a transfusion"
followed by "call gyne we need them now" Nurse: “we already paged a stat call"
The Gynecologist - She told me we needed to do surgery to stop the bleeding,
"nothing else is working". There were risks involved, and a possibility it wouldn’t
even work. They couldn't find a cause for the hemorrhage so far.
Being rushed down the corridor to the OR - I've walked those halls many
times but it was all a blur no idea where I was, it seemed like one giant blur of
a tunnel. All I saw was the flash of the lights overhead and hear the footsteps
they were in a hurry.
Kissing Hubby goodbye before going thru the giant double doors. I
was still scared of the pain in my head and part of me worried I would never
see him again. He looked scared too.
The anesthetic - they put a mask on my face "breathe deeply" the pressure
on my throat like someone was pushing down on it.
Saying "I'm scared my head feels funny" seconds before I was out
Waking up - I could hear before I could see - I think I may have been responding
to questions "open your eyes" feeling foggy then crying when they told me it was over
We returned home the next morning at around 4am; both of us exhausted,
me still slightly drugged. I remained in the drugged fog for about another
48 or so hours before finally feeling like normal again. My body ached for
days, all of my muscles felt like they had been through an intense workout.
I could barely walk.
Eventually I called the people who had known and started the story of what
happened.
