I'm sick :(

I hope everyone had a great weekend! :)

We had a little BBQ birthday celebration here for Hubby on Friday night, just a few people, girl cousin, her husband and her two brothers along with their spouses. Of course Hubby and I were there and his brother too. My meat aversion apparently includes the turkey burgers we bought... Luckily we had been snacking all afternoon so I just played it off as being full since none of them "know" about the pregnancy yet (the girls might suspect).

Saturday night I worked again. This week I have worked 5 out of the 6 shifts I was scheduled for, the 6th was supposed to be tonight, but I'm sick.

My head feels like it's triple the size, my nose is stuffed but burning and I have a funny taste in my mouth. Last night while at work I had a fever and kinda felt like I was going to either be sick or pass out. So tonight I stayed home.

I have the next 3 days off but it looks like i'll be spending them in bed :( blah.

Hope everyone had a great weekend. I'm too tired to read blogs so I'll catch up tomorrow.

Its been a while

I sorta just didn't want to post for a bit there.
I've quietly been reading your blogs, or at least trying to keep up and commenting occasionally when I felt inspired to do so... some posts I had comments for and then was just too lazy to say anything. Sorry about that. Ive been a terrible blog friend.  :(

I feel like the past 2 weeks have been a blur. Almost like Ive been sleeping the whole time ( I definitely have been tired enough),  I've been pretty much zombie waiting for the days to pass. I can't wait for August to be over and hopefully be making an announcement to the rest of our family and friends. I think my zombie state is my way of not getting too excited but also not dwelling on my fears. kinda a zombie coping method lol.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I'm pretty much demanding regular blood work the next few weeks and want to know when my next ultrasound is. I need reassurance, there's no denying it at this point.

Now onto the good things.

My boobs still hurt. lol not all the time (which of course worries me) but quite regularly. Like this morning for instance I went to put on my bra and as the fabric rubbed across my nipples I almost let out a little yelp. And yes I'm counting this as good. lol

I kinda, just kinda a little bit may be showing. Its undecided yet if its the bloat still or more, my mother in law thinks its a bump and I'm starting to think she may be right since it seems to be there all the time. The bloating has always come and gone with meals etc. She took a picture this past weekend so I will get it from her and post it later.


Nausea comes and goes with the bloat mostly. Ive been taking my nausea pills which seem to help and are possibly working to keep the actual nausea at bay. The only exception is last week I forgot to take them and felt horrid the whole next day... this also could have been food poisoning, I'm not the best cook.  lol

And as for non pregnancy things (because I really need to get in the habit of writing about other things more)...

My veggie garden is fried. We managed to get a few snow peas, a couple green beans, and a couple carrots out of it but I think the heat and lack of rain has pretty much doomed it. I water it was much as I can but its just not helping. All in all not a total failure.

I think I quite possibly may lose my money in our big brother pool soon. Remember me being so excited for it to start? lol well I paid my  $10 and got Danielle as my player, I was pretty psyched at first but I think Kalia may screw it all up for me this week and I'm gonna be out my money soon. I had such high hopes lol.

My brother in law is visiting for the week... more on that after he leaves...

and that's pretty much it. all in a nutshell. I will be back sooner than later :)


Oh and today I am 9 weeks 3 days pregnant. Heres that ultrasound from 7w3d.

156 bpm :)

Today has been a good day :)

My ultrasound went much better than last time. I could tell immediately that that the image on the screen was what it was supposed to be. It looked so different last time. The technician was actually the same one as we had before but I doubt she remembered us.
She started doing her measurements right away and telling us exactly what she was doing (which she didn't do last time) And the heart beat was there at 156 :) yay the little beans heart is still thumping away. I feel so relieved.

I got some pictures this time too which was nice, I will scan them later and post them at the end of the week. I think I will do a weekly post (seems to be the trend).

She said I was measuring right on track at 7w3d and confirmed my due date as March 11.

Hubby and I have decided to tell our parents this evening. We were gonna wait to tell his til we see them again in 2 weeks but he wants to tell them now and I'm ok with that.

I'm gonna go nap now cause I slept horribly, and didn't fall asleep til at least 1am! Despite my attempt at an early night lol

Oh and ps there was only 1 little one there ;)

Weekend recap - ultrasound tomorrow

So we successfully made it through the weekend without any scares or concerns horray!
I've come to realize that weekends scare me. My past experiences (the hemhorageing, and scares) were on weekends, so whenever a weekend approaches I automatically start to feel nervous. ESP ically since we were away this past weekend and out of my comfort zone.

But like I said everything went great. Not even any spotting. We had an enjoyable (for the most part) with some moments of relaxation (more me than hubby).

The cottage belonged to Hubby's old college roommate, he's been a good friend of both of ours since then and even was the MC at our wedding. He's the type of guy that could walk into a room of strangers and everyone would treat him like their best friend. Very charismatic. And apparently observant enough to call me out on the fact I was not drinking an hour into the visit. There were only five of us there at this point and we were just sitting on the deck when he looked at me and said " your not drinking?" raises an eye brown and before I get a chance to say anything a huge smile appeared on his face. Lol there was no point in trying to hide it I just smiled back and laughed. Hubby was just coming to sit down as this happened and was confused as to how it came out so fast. hubby and I had already agreed we would tell him anyways but it was funny how fast he pickedup on it.

Throughout the weekend he (the old roommate) would look at me and randomly say "grow a penis" lol. Apparently he's rooting for a boy ;)

The cottage was located on Lake Erie and their actually was some sort of fishing compition going on, hubby didn't enter but decided to spend some time waist deep in the lake trying to catch something. No luck, but their definitely were fish out there, they were kinda taunting him, jumping out of the water or splashing around so we could see them. on the Saturday while Hubby was fishing I looked over at him and realized their was a very faint rainbow in the sky :) it only last a few minutes but I managed to get a picture or two :) Hopefully it's a good sign!

We took some time to visit a few of Hubby's family members since we were less than an hour away, just quick visits for lunch. Enough to avoid the "why didn't you visit" comments later. Hubby's maternal grandfather has Althziemers and has been declining significantly the past six months. When we left I gave him a hug and he quietly in my ear said "it was nice to meet you" :( I'm pretty sure he didn't know who Hubby even was... There is a look that Althziemers and dementia patients get when they "cross over" and are no longer living in the same world we are.... And it saddened me to see that look in his eyes this weekend. When we left I told hubby what I noticed and he admitted he noticed he different look too.

Another thing about Althzhiemers and dementia patients, is that they seem to have a sixth sense when it comes to pregnancies, those patients seem to know, I've seen with my own eyes patients announce secret pregnancies of staff members. This weekend Hubby's grandmother asked us (again) if we were pregnant "yet" ... (I'm not gonna say how much I'm sick of that question), I coyly looked at my belly, looked to my left and right and said "well I don't see any babies around here" and just laughed and smiled. That's when grandfather speaks up and says "of course not that's because it's an angel baby" ... No one else noticed his comment (they tend to ignore weird things he says) but I got goosebumps and a chill down my back. All I could think was please please please let him be talking about the miscarriage earlier this year. Please let my baby be ok... I know that may sound silly to some but like I said I've seen first hand how some of these patients just know.

And so tomorrow is my ultrasound. Duh duh duh. (that's my suspense sound)
I'm calmly nervous, slightly terrified at moments and slightly excited. Despite the good news two weekends ago I still hold an association to ultrasounds. They tell you bad news. I want good news and I'm hoping and praying I get it, but I'm as prepared as I can be if I don't. And so I've got mixed signals, I saw my rainbow, but the comment from Hubbys grandfather is in the back of my head. I have been having some more symptoms, my boobs are feeling heavy and slightly tender (finally! I've been waiting anxiously for this part), and they are pretty vieny. :s lol and I'm pretty sure that the grossness I've been feeling is nausea, it's hard to describe but it's lasting some days all day. I thinkif I talk about it anymore I may just increase the anxiety so I'm gonna stop.

Im gonna head to bed early, maybe read a bit of my book. I've been slacking on blog reading but kinda on purpose until after tomorrow. I have a fee new blogs I started following last week so I'll have to catch up and comment (also slacking) later this week.

Hope everyone had a great weekend :) sorry for such a long post!

Blah ... Cheeseburgers were not a good idea

I feel gross.
Burpy, bloated kinda nauseous gross.
All because as I was leaving work this evening I thought it would be a good idea to go to mcdonalds.
AND not only did I think it was a good idea, but for some reason I thought eating a double cheeseburger and two regular cheeseburgers was a smart move.
I don't even remember when the last time I had mcdonalds or any fast food was... So I think I kinda overdid it. Now I'm exhausted and want to sleep but can't because when I close my eyes it's all gurgles. I kinda want to puke, except puking scares me. It's only happened a handful (no exaggeration) of times in my life (if we count alcohol induced then make it two handfuls), I do everything in my power to avoid it, and cry like a baby when it happens.

This week has been pretty mediocre for me, nothing really has happened. I've worked the past two evenings, and boy am I sore after. I stand for almost eight hours straight. When I'm done my feet, knees, hips, and back all ache.

Today is two days now without spotting, so hopefully that's over with. I can't help but be nervous even with hearing good news on Saturday. I'm kinda now scared about infection... But we did a swab last Wednesday so that would tell us I'm hoping.

Were going to a friends cottage this weekend. In the middle of nowhere. The closest hospital is twenty five minutes away and it's small. Hopefully we won't need it but I can't help but worry some. If the spotting stays away that will help me feel better. Hopefully I am able to relax and enjoy myself. We debated not going but I know hubby has been looking forward to it so I'm putting on my brave face.

7 more days til my ultrasound.

I think I migh be ok to try to sleep now. I'll stop my rambling for now ;)

Hope everyone is having a good week!

75 Reminders

"75 Reminders for when Times are Tough" I've been reading this blog lately; it contains lots of inspirational and thought provoking posts.
* I can't seem to link to the blog but if you check my blog list to the right this was originally posted on "Marc and Angel Hack Life"


Tho this is long I wanted to share it with you, because even on our good days I think we sometimes need these reminders :) oxo <3



1) You never know how strong you really are until being strong is the only choice you have.

2) Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

3) You cannot change what you refuse to confront.

4)Nobody is perfect, and nobody deserves to be perfect.  Nobody has it easy.  You never know what people are going through.  Every one of us has issues.  So don’t belittle yourself or anyone else.  Everybody is fighting their own unique war.

5) Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak.  Since birth, it has always been a sign that you’re alive and full of potential.

6) No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.
 
7) Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

8) Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.  Let it go.

9) Making one person smile can change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  Start small.  Start now.

10) Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

11) Never let success get to your head, and never let failure get to your heart.

12) You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.

13) Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

14) You can learn great things from your mistakes when you aren’t busy denying them.

15) Give up worrying about what others think of you.  What they think isn’t important.  What is important is how you feel about yourself.

16) When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.

17) When other people treat you poorly, keep being you.  Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are.

18) You have to accept that some things will never be yours, and learn to appreciate the things that are only yours.

19) Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world who’s struggling, who’s frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting by.  But that feeling is a lie.  And if you just hold on, someone will find you and help make it better.  Because we all need a little help sometimes – someone to help us hear the music in our world.  To remind us that it won’t always be this way.  That someone is out there right now.

20) Don’t be afraid to move out of your comfort zone.  Some of your best life experiences and opportunities will transpire only after you dare to lose.

21) Sometimes we accidentally allow small problems to escalate and dominate our lives.  If we get overcharged a few cents, it is irritating, but don’t let it ruin your day.  There will always be small issues that irritate us; the secret is to be able to give them the miniscule level of importance they deserve.

22) Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go. 

23) Ask yourself whether each of your relationships drags you down or lifts you up.  Surrounding yourself with positive, loving people is half the battle of living a happy, successful life.

24) Spend more time with those who make you smile and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress.

25) There are few joys in life that equal a good conversation, a good read, a good walk, a good hug, a good smile, or a good friend.

26) Don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future for too long.  Right now is life.  Live it.

27) No matter how cautiously you choose your words, someone will always twist them around and misinterpret what you say.  So just say what you need to say.

28) In order to be creative, we must lose our fear of being wrong.

29) Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of good luck.

30) To be great does not mean you have to dominate others.  It means you have to dominate your own potential.

31) If you are passionate about something, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks.  That’s how dreams are achieved.

32) If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.

33) Forgiveness is one of the primary keys to happiness.

34) The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives your adversaries more insane than seeing you smile.

35) Stay positive when negativity surrounds you.  Smile when others frown.  It’s an easy way to make a difference.

36) If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.

37) Don’t regret intimate relationships that don’t work out.  Because they will only help you find the right partner for you, and better appreciate them for everything they do and everything they are.

38) What lies before us and behind us are tiny matters when compared to what lies within us.

39) The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists.  It rewards people who get things done.  And the only way to get things done is to be imperfect 99% of the time.

40) Never lie – not even a white lie!  When you steer away from the truth, you steer away from your soul.  Be honest, be real and tell the truth.  This awareness forces you to make better choices and be a stronger person.

41) Feelings, good and bad, always come and go.

42) Don’t get caught up in wasted potential from years past.  Potential is all we ever have.

43) We are not alone.  No matter how bizarre or embarrassed or pathetic we feel about our own situation, there will be others out there experiencing the same emotions.  When you hear yourself say “I am all alone,” it is your mind trying to sell you a lie so you will continue to feel sorry for yourself.

44) It is okay to be angry.  It is never okay to be cruel.

45) Don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.

46) Mistakes teach you important lessons.  Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal.  The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.

47) Money is a renewable resource.  If you lose some money, don’t sweat it.  You can always make more.  However, if you spend valuable time stressing over money, or lost opportunity, you’ll never get that time back.  Time is more valuable than money – time is the greatest constituent of life.

48) Never let people know that they got to you.  Ignore them.  Hold your head up high and pretend all their negative remarks don’t even phase you, and someday they actually won’t.

49) There is nothing to hold you back except you.  And there is only one question to ask yourself: “What would you do if you were not afraid?”  Think about it.

50) Life is way more enjoyable when you stop trying to be cool and simply focus on being yourself.

51) It’s often hard to tell just how close you are to success.

52) When you spend time worrying, you’re simply using your imagination to create things you don’t want.

53) No matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be.  Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.

54) You must see things how they are instead of how you hoped, wished, or expected them to be.

55) Even when you feel like you have nothing, someone else likely has far less.  Find them and help them.  You’ll see why.

56) Laughter is the best medicine for stress.  Laugh at yourself often.  Find the humor in whatever situation you’re in.

57) If you want to feel rich, just count all the great things you have that money can’t buy.

58) Forgiving yourself is far more important than getting others to forgive you.

59) If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

60) You can press forward long after you can’t.  It’s just a matter of wanting it bad enough.

61) It’s not about getting a chance, it’s about taking a chance.  You’ll rarely be 100% sure it will work.  But you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Sometimes you just have to go for it!

62) If it were easy everyone would do it.  This is why get rich quick schemes will never be true.  If it was so quick and easy then everyone would be millionaires.  Accomplishing great things is hard work, but well worth it.

63) Notice and cherish life’s surprises.  Just because it’s not what you were expecting, doesn’t mean it’s not everything you’ve been waiting for.

64) Be vulnerable.  Allow yourself to feel, to be open and authentic.  Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around you and feel every exquisite emotion, both good and bad.  This is real life.  This is how you welcome new opportunities.

65) You must create and look for opportunities.  Opportunities rarely ever come knocking on the door of someone who’s not seeking them.  You have to create and seek opportunities for yourself.  You have to take the initiative to get the ball rolling and the doors opening.

66) If it’s out of your control, why fret about it?  Concentrating on things you can control is how you make good things happen.

67) Saying “no” to right people gives you the time and resources required to say “yes” to right opportunities. 

68) No matter how much progress you make there will always be the people who insist that whatever you’re trying to do is impossible. Or they may incessantly suggest that the idea or dream as a whole is utterly ridiculous because nobody really cares. When you come across these people, don’t try to reason with them. Instead, forget that they exist. They will only waste your time and energy.

69) If you spend 80% of your time focusing on the problem and only 20% on the solution, what do you think is going to happen?

70) No matter how badly you think your life may be going, or how messed up you think you are, there is at least one thing you are doing right in your life or you wouldn’t be alive reading this.

71) A problem is a chance for you to learn.

72) The greatest struggle is to be something different from what the average man is.

73) In times of great stress, it’s always wise to keep busy, to plow your anger and frustration into something positive.

74) One thing is for sure: Regardless of the situation, life goes on.

75) Everyone wants a perfect ending.  But over the years I’ve learned that some of the best poems don’t rhyme, and many great stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, or end.  Life is about not knowing, embracing change, and taking a moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next.

There was a heartbeat!

So the past few days have been stressful to say the least, and I feel like the next eleven will be as well but our moods have shifted and we are feeling more optimistic.

If you recall I posted earlier this week that I was having some spotting, it wasn't red but it was there and I was scared. It continued again Thursday on and off, sometimes I'd go to the bathroom and it would be there, sometimes we'd be all clear. Friday was a great day, clear ALL day! I was so happy, we decided to go out for dinner with MOH and hubby's cousin (her fiancé), dinner was great, everyone was carefree and having a good time. And then we got home and I went the bathroom...

There it was. And it was red. Not bright red but red. I panicked grabbed the keys and told hubby (who had some beers at dinner and was half in the bag) to get in the car. The drive down was a blur. I remember trying to keep my composure so I could drive there without crashing. Waiting in triage I started panicking. Luckily it remained as spotting, no one even looked down there. The doctor did a quick scan on the portable ultrasound machine to make sure it wasn't ectopic, took some blood and since I had stopped spotting at the time sent me home. But told us we needed to come back for an actual ultrasound.

This morning I woke to our phone ringing, in my hazy half awake state I spoke to the ultrasound tech who asked if we could be there at 9am (less than an hour). Oh ya that's right, last night wasn't a dream.. So we hurried back to the hospital, me chugging three tall glasses of water on the way.

So we had an ultrasound, first an abdominal one and then I had my first introduction to the wand ma jiggy (or whatever it was Maria called it lol). Ya that was awkward, Hubby's face was kinda funny when she explained where that was going! She took a bunch of pics, pushed on my stomach, had me hold my breath, all sorts of fun. Hubby told me later that when I was holding my breath she was looking for a heartbeat. Obviously we didn't expect to see one, after all I'm only going on 6 weeks tomorrow and everywhere I've read said that's the week it starts.

After the technician was done and I was getting dressed Hubby was all excited. I didn't get to see the screen but he could, and he was convinced he saw the baby. Horray for baby being in my uterus (we think) next we had to wait for the doctor to come with the results.

We waited just over an hour, which wasn't too bad. We went and got breakfast at the hospitals cafe and it was actually pretty good. Next we were ushered into one of the gyne rooms in emerg (thankfully not the same room that I hemorrhaged in) after a short wait the doctor came, asked how I was feeling, no cramps? No bleeding? Then asked if the tech told us anything....

We just kinda looked at each other and waited for the worst. But to our surprise the doctor had a grin on his face and told us the scan reveled a healthy pregnancy and even a heartbeat! I'm not sure who said what but Hubby and I were so shocked to hear him say heartbeat lol there was a "WHAT" and "ALREADY?" and the doctor chuckled a little.

So currently the little bean has a heartbeat :) I feel so relieved. Were not totally out of the woods yet but we can see thru the trees. They couldn't find any reason for the spotting, but they seemed optimistic everything was looking good. So now we count down to the ultrasound which I am still nervous about but feeling much better. Only eleven more days.