My story chapter 2

Ok so far we've covered the core family dynamics. I grew up with my 3 siblings (lil brother, sister 1 & BabyG). My step sisters would alternate their time between their dad and mom's. Lil brother's dad called less and less (months, than years apart). I should note that even while lil brothers dad lived with us he didn't actually parent us per se... Sure he'd take us to our sports events, things like that, but he was in no way a provider or discipline figure. My mom ruled the house; I'm sure it had something to do with the alcohol.

Teenage years were tamer than some but definitely troubled. I was an angry mildly rebellious teen. I say mildly because I know kids way worse than I was, and nothing I ever did truly caused harm. Skipped school, stayed out past curfew, hung out with the type of kids my mom worked with, some she actually knew (moms a social worker). I fought all the time with my parents and was just plain bitchy. Sister 1 and I developed an early feud shortly after she moved in, I think it was caused by two angry kids not adjusting. I had been the only girl, spoiled and special; she had always been the oldest and spoiled in her own right. Our feud continued into my late teens which only escalated the feud between me and her father. I understood right and wrong and all that other jazz, but really didn't care. The world revolved around me and owed me everything.

I was probably 18 when I started to mellow out a bit. Friends were moving forward, going to college and university and I started feeling left out. So the following year I went too. I moved 45 minutes away into the dorm of my college, I think I started in the Law Clerk course but by the end of orientation had switched into Developmental Service Worker. Within those first couple weeks at school I discovered that no one knew me which meant this was my chance to change who I was. We'll with the exception of drinking a lot and becoming more comfortable with strangers nothing much changed. The fact that the entire residence building was like a giant party non stop (didn't matter the time of day) defiantly influenced me in having fun as opposed to the original plan of being mature and responsible. My whole first year was an awesome experience, met lots of great people (including Hubby) but academically a total waste of time. Coincidently amongst the failures this was the year my step dad and I became friends. I think me being out of the house really helped, some people just can't live together.

After my year of fun I took a year off and worked. This was probably a big year for me for personal growth. The real world was a struggle. I didn't move back home, instead opted to stay in my new city with the company of unknown to me at the time but future Hubby. After a year I went back to college again, I had decided I didn't want to struggle my whole life. I took a one year veterinary assistant course and was very successful. After proving myself that year I went back again for another one year course. This was a prep stream full of bio, chem and other courses you needed to get into medical fields. Successful again, I then applied for the following year. Initially my intention had been to move onto vet technician but I had become interested in med lab, and intrigued at the thought of nursing. I figured I would let fate (and my grades) decided my future path and applied for all three. Well fate can be funny and from what I hear you make your own. I got accepted into all three. After much consideration I chose nursing. It was a 2 1/2 year course with promising job opportunities. I haven't looked back on my choice yet, and I have been blessed with awesome opportunities since.

I will explain meeting Hubby on his own post :) I think he deserves it.

Oh and during this time I was contacted by my actual fathers family. I will continue that story in part 3.

Frustrated

Before I start my rant I would like to announce that I successfully started and finished reading my newest novel (bought by my awesome husband) "Water for Elephants". Loved it! I almost don't want to watch the movie for fear of ruining the story as often happens with these based on the novel movies. The story is always missing some crucial detail that pulls it all together. And for the second time the whole thing was started and finished in less than 24hrs ;) I just might be a bit of a nerd.

Ok now that that's out of the way begin rant.

I had the day off today because I actually ended up having to go into work last night and work the overnight shift on the floor. Why is that a big deal you may wonder? Well that's not what I was hired for! I am a nurse. I Registered Practical Nurse to be exact, my official title at work is RAI Coordinator which puts me into the management category at work. A downfall of being in that category is I get paid salary, and am non union. No one to protect me.

My actual job involves myself and co-coordinator training nurses and psws on how to properly document their assigned sections of the RAI-MDS resident assessments. I work in a long term care facility and the way the government decideds how much money to fund each facility is by grouping each resident into different funding categories. Some resident cost more to care for, and some cost less. It is my job to ensure our facility is charting properly to get the right amount of money and to co e up with ways for us to get more. This means endless hours of auditing, one on one training with staff, in services etc. It is all tracked through our software system, which I track deadlines to ensure we stay in compliance. In addition to tracking these assessments we also are overseeing the software used by the psws. We are fairly high-tech facility (I previously mentioned use of iPads, we also have touch screens mounted in the halls, electronic mars and flow sheets) so I also am responsible for keeping the systems running smoothly, and making changes as needed. The assessments are submitted by moi, then quality reports are run etc etc etc. It's a lot of little things that add up and are very important.

The problem is that non of my superiors understand what it is we do or how important it is. So what happens is they end up short floor nurses and expect us to work the floor. I have much more important things I need to do, I don't mind helping out but that is not something in my job description. Yesterday for example I went to work at 8am and left around 3pm just to have to go back again at 10pm and work overnight not leaving until 730. Now you tell me how much sleep you think I got yesterday afternoon. Then they don't ask but expect it again tonight. I'm sooo frustrated right now I want to quit my job. The only problem with that is me working where I am until at least the fall will be much more benifical career wise for me, leaving now could cause me to have to start over. I am a younger nurse, good luck getting management roles at my age is hard. Ya some people would say I need to start from the bottom and work my way up, well let me ask you this; when did it become wrong to aspire for more than that and go for whatbyou want.

I really could ramble on forever, so to sum it up I track funding and coordinate ministry required assessments. I am responsible for overseeing documentation standards related to fuses assessment and manage quality indicators.

End rant.

Happy Birthday BabyG :)

Today my little sister turns 17! Which makes me feel really, really old lol. I didn't make the trip to my moms house (45mins away) due to potential of bad weather, but I already told her I would take her for her first manicure and pedicure :) so we will have to plan a date for that.

So in ode to her birthday I thought I would tell you a little bit about her.

BabyG came into my life sometime between my 10th and 11th birthday. She was still a baby at the time, not even able to walk. I think the first time I met her was when my mom took lil brother and I over to my stepdad's old apartment. I instantly was smitten with this little girl. She had blonde hair and big blue eyes, cute as a button. I adored any babies but especially her. I was excited because I knew I would get to play with her often and if I was lucky she would be my sister someday (I desperately wanted a sister).

As BabyG grew from a baby to a toddler she became my little sidekick. It was obvious that I was her favorite ;), her own sister was too busy playing with lil brother to pay much attention to her, and lil brother had no use for a baby. I loved having her around all the time, she chatted non stop. Like seriously non stop, and you could get her to say the funniest things. I remember once at my grandparents house my grandfather made her and my little cousin sit on the screened porch for dinner, he didn't want to listen to the chatter lol. BabyG quickly became the little sister I had always wanted. If someone needed her to do something or ask her a question they always asked me first, I would then turn and ask her. If you skipped me she would either not answer or come to me first before responding.

As we grew up she started to not need to be around me anymore, I think part had to do with the fact that there are 10 years between us. She started to become closer to her actual sister (sister 1) and for a few years we barely even spoke. She stopped being a chatterbox, and became really quiet. My step sisters have both parents they need to split their time between (unlike lil brother and me), and without saying how I think as she aged BabyG started to feel the strains of divorce. Divorce can work fine when both parents are mature about it, but let's face it that's not usually the case.

BabyG and I are not as close these days as I would like us to be, but her finally being a teenager has definitely helped. We are always on different stages of life but now we are able to relate. She has grown into quite the smart and responsible young lady (awwwwww). We have had a few really good chats, and she was a bridesmaid in my wedding (I saw her absolutely hammered that night it was hilarious). I confide in her at times, and although what she tells me is limited I hope she will comfortable enough to confide in me again.

I tend to have a bit of a motherly instinct or protectiveness over BabyG. I'm sort of like it with all of my siblings but a bit more with the younger ones. Her nickname comes from the obvious fact that she is the baby of the family; but also like I mentioned before she is a blonde, blue eyed petite sort of innocent pixie looking girl. She gets away with a lot more than her older siblings ever did, and she has her parents (especially her dad) wrapped around her little finger. It's fairly obvious that in the eyes of her father she will always be a baby, and although she is becoming an adult she will always be my kid sister. I pity the first boy she brings home ;) between her father, myself, and lil brother (who barely speaks to her but would clearly put anyone in place who messes with his sisters) that poor boy won't know what's coming. ;)

Oh speaking of having parents wrapped around her finger; I have made an observation. She has this ability to shall we say "manipulate" For lack of a better word. Girls got skills ;). Luckily she's not evil, nothing wrong with get what you want.

I will have to admit I keep a close eye on her facebook ;) and there is lots I know about her even without her telling me lol. Which is why I know that despite the craziness she has been exposed to in her life she will do just fine. I think I mentioned before she is a lot like me, she has traits about her that she's picked up from all or at least most of her siblings (she has two other step siblings), but there is a lot in her that is me. Even my mom sees it and has made that reference. I'm not sure if deep down she is as troubled as I was as a teen but she has enough sense and maturity about her that in the end she makes the right decisions. From what I understand she has some deep conversations at times with my mom. I had a pretty deep one with her last year in the back of the car on the way home from a bridal show in Toronto. She's a good kid, and if I may say so she's turning into quite the knockout ;)

So happy birthday BabyG :) I hope your year is awesome and filled with many fun filled experiences. Love ya kid

My story chapter 1

So I figure that I may as well write a post about myself before I get too carried away and write about everything else happening in my life. Although the thought of not telling does sound appealing; we must leave some things a mystery ;), but maybe the rest will make a little more sense with a little background info.

The Basics:

I am the big sister, oldest of a total of 6 siblings that come from an assortment of parents.

My mother had me at a young age, and raised me with the help of my grandparents, and pseduo Aunt D & Unlce D. There have been plenty others like my actual aunts and uncles who have assisted along the way but the bulk of who I am came from these three primary units. My mother went ahead with her plans to go away (moved approx 5 hrs away) to college and brought me with her. I obviously don't remember the first years of my existence but apparently I spent my time living with my mom and her housemates and being with my grandparents. My pseudo Aunt D was a really a good friend of my moms; she is a couple years older and had children of her own who are cousins to me. Aunt D and her husband (Uncle D) have been a very significant and special part of my life. They may not be blood but they are my family. (Uncle D danced my "father/daughter" dance at my wedding)

My mother got married when I was 3 and a year later I had a lil brother. I remember he was cute and fun as a baby but as children we didn't always get along (our relationship has evolved over the years and I would do anything for him). Life was averagely ok for a while and then by the age of 10 my mother had kicked her husband out. He was a drunk, a loud, reckless, sometimes violent drunk. When I say violent I mean the break the chair and punch holes in the wall kind, to the best of my knowledge he never abused anyone. We played the game of back and forth for a few short years, he would come get us for visits when he wasn't too drunk or feeling sorry for himself. Often he would schedule a visit and then leave two sad, and confused children sitting waiting in the window wondering why daddy didn't come. (at some point after the wedding I started calling him dad and over the years forgot that he wasn't actually mine.

I think I was twelve when my mom sat me down and had the talk with me. She explained he wasn't really my biological father, and that I didn't even call him dad until I was almost five. She explained how she left my actual father before even knowing she was pregnant, and that over the years lost touch with him and his family. I never even met him. I remember her describing him to me; longish dark brown almost black hair (like mine), dark eyes and a mustache and taller than her. She said he lived up north with his family and explained so e of his family was not the nicest people. Me being young and naive determined he must be an Eskimo if he was from the north and so I spent a good chunk of my life thinking this.

Back up a little to the age of 10. The timelines are foggy but somewhere along this time my mom started hanging out with her "friend" who eventually had sleepovers, and then moved in eventually becoming my stepdad (common law no real wedding). My step dad had two young daughters of his own; one was the same age as my brother, the other a young infant. Being that the one daughter (I will have to think of a nickname for her, for now she will be known as sister 1) was the same age as lil brother the two of them fast became a force not to mess with. I often was subjected to their torture of being held down by one and taunted by the other which hardly seems fair since I am the oldest. The youngest of my two stepsisters I mentioned in my last post baby G. She was less than a year old when I met her and she quickly became my favorite sibling.
I absolutely hated my stepdad in the beginning. I'm not sure exactly why, it could have had to do with the fact that in a very short time the man I thought was my father abandoned me, I found out my real father never knew me and this new guy was now around. After many years of hating my stepdad, wishing him dead, and trying to make his life miserable so he would move out (he packed his bags more than once) we are finally at a good place in our relationship. He even gave me away at my wedding which was a huge deal, if you had of asked the kid version of me there was no way that was going to happen. I'm glad I asked him, and glad he agreed. I think it symbolized our relationship and how far we've come. Our relationship probably took a turn for the best when I moved out at age 19 for college.

And since this is very long I will leave it for now and resume part 2 in a few days. Tomorrow is baby G's birthday post. :)

A melting pot entry

This post is going to be a little bit of everything. Or not really everything but the few things things I would have wrote about during the past day if I had not of forgotten my iPad (works iPad) at work. And yes we use iPads at work, I'm sure I will describe my job at some point.

First of all I do not really enjoy cooking, and don't tell my husband but I'm actually cooking dinner while posting this. If he knew he would probably claim that's why I "always" burn stuff. In fairness I don't always burn things but I do have bad timing. Something is always ready way sooner than anticipated. Tonight I'm just cooking sausage penne and with the risk of jinxing myself I will say its pretty hard to mess that one up. We bought a BBQ recently and I can't wait to use it. Or should I say for Hubby to use it ;) one less part of dinner for me to do. At least I try to cook, I have a friend who hasn't a clue of where her kitchen even is.

I spoke with one of my sisters yesterday (I have 5 total); since I'm not sure if I want to use names on here or not I will follow the lead of my fav blog and refer to her by the affectionate nickname I've always used (I don't think she knows I call her this). So back to my story, BabyG just recently returned from a two week trip to nicaragua. She went with her school and stayed with a host family. They were introduced to a completely different lifestyle and poverty that was much different from what they'd seen back at home. Plus they got to do a little sightseeing which included a volcano, a jail, some boat ride where they met a monkey and some other interesting sights. I wish I had the opportunity to do things like that when I was in school. BabyG is in a special language stream since she went French emersion public school. She is already bilingual and taking more French, Spanish, and German classes in high school. She is a pretty smart cookie when she wants to be; which I phrased like that because she takes after me in so many ways, one being our slacking in high school. So anyways it was kind of nice to talk to her on the phone, this is something we never do. Her birthday is on Sunday and I will do an official blog intro birthday post then. One thing about her you probably have guessed, shes not a baby anymore. I will explain her nickname later.

My last point today will be brief but I feel the need to vent. Why is it that we adults simply cannot act our age? Is it this bad in every field? I've heard nurses can be catty (I am one) but I find all professions working in long term care are and can be equally as bad. A conversation I had yesterday was taken out of context and the person I was speaking to purposely brought it up to someone else which made me look bad. Not cool people time to grow up. That is all on that I said I would be brief, I'm sure I will write about work frustrations plenty of times.

I have been inspired

Well I haven't started reading that new book yet... As excited as I am to begin I got distracted. Last night after my post I decided to click that little next blog (or whatever it's called) link at the top of the page. This is where distraction and inspiration combine. I found a blog I absolutely love! I'm hooked and haven't stopped reading it since. The blogger has been writing since 2006 so I have a lot to catch up on lol I even have gone so far as deciding to become one of her followers ;). She has given me an idea of where I want to go with this new blog of mine, and I think there is a very good chance I will keep it up. And so with that I'm off again to catch up on her tales of 2007. It's a rainy day today and I'm still lying in bed slightly fevered, can't think of a better way to relax :)

I Love my husband

Sometimes the simplest of things can make your day. I came home from work today to see my much anticipated surprise ( I had been informed a surprise was waiting for me). It was a copy of the novel "Water for Elephants" :) yesterday while watching tv we saw the trailer for the movie I had mentioned I wanted to read the novel, saying I might even go to chapters and buy it this weekend. Well I guess now I won't have to... Altho I probably will still go, I love that store ;). And now I'm going to go curl up with a cozy blanket and read.