And then there were 5

WARNING - American Idol spoiler. Do not read if you plan on watching late.

I am writing this as we are watching so it may end up being a bit of a play by play.

So we are still watching Idol, despite my disappointment that America sent two of my top three favourites home. I'm still a little baffled by Pia, but I understand Paul. As much as I love his voice he just was not singing the right songs. I'm sure both of them will be back with records of their own and so I look forward to hearing what they come up with.

So that leaves Haley. She reminds me of my childhood, listening to my mothers Melissa Ethridge, and Sass Jordan c.ds She has that raw strong woman quality about her voice which I prefer over bubble gum pop. I tend to listen to a wide variety of music styles but always go back to I guess more alternative styles.

And now we wait.... They are giving the results.... So far Haley is safe :)

Whoa bottom 3 is Jacob, Casey and Scotty :) I think this is the first time I have agreed 100% with the bottom 3. I really think it should be Jacob going home next. Seriously I do not see him becoming the type of artist you would hear on the radio, he's too gospel which I find funny after seeing his mug shot ;) Ya that's right did you know that kid had to beg a judge to excuse his probation so he could be on Idol.

 And scratch that apparently Casey is going home! (good call Maria) I knew he wouldn't make it much longer but I thought for sure he would get another week in. Well I'm slightly annoyed Jacob is still around...

As long as either Haley or James win then all will be right in the world ;)

And yes I have been so bored lately and having a bit of bloggers block that I did infact just blog a play by play of American Idol ;) I do have a more serious post I am working on that I will be posting soon, and hopefully life will be getting a little more exciting soon so I will have more to write!

Royal Wedding Fever?

Be careful, wash your hands, cover your mouth. I suggest drinking lots of water and maybe even taking some vitamins; the country if not the world seems to have Royal Wedding Fever. It's everywhere, every magazine, all the channels and tons of tacky memorabilia.

I'm trying not to care because really why should I? I live in Canada, I have a Prime Minister not a queen. The media has this power to brain wash you tho, I can't help it I'm actually starting to wonder what Kate's dress is going to look like.

I remember when Princess Di passed, people I knew who I had never heard even mention her name were bawling. I will admit it was tragic, but I can't help but wonder why and how these royal people have the power they do over the rest of us?

Is it because they are truly royalty? Proof that kings and queens exist in real life and not just fairy tales? Are we drawn to the fantasy of the prince in his castle in a far away land?

Please do not think I am in any way suggesting people should not be excited about this wedding, I am merely asking why? What is the appeal?

Update not sick

Just a quick update about the temp I had. I didn't get sick and after a long 32 days it became obvious I was not pregnant either.

I'm disappointed, even with having just lost my job I was kind of hoping for some good news. I honestly do not know how people get through the torture of actually trying month after month without success. I can honestly say I think about it at least once a day and am saddened by the fact that I had such an amazing thing taken from me. We haven't been "trying" as in I don't check the calender and schedule in the baby dancing. I am just aware of what is happening to my body and keeping track of little signs through out the month. I can't help it if at certain times Hubby or I seem to be more in the mood to dance, and that those moods line up on the calender ;) I am going to take my temp regularly this month just to be sure I am in fact ovulating. I'd really rather know exactly what is going on and understand my body.

Cousin 2 finally has some answers about her 2 year long attempt. They think she has PCOS, her cycles are too irregular and when she has gotten pregnant they think the lining was too weak and caused both of her miscarriages.  I think she has the next month to do a few more tests/tracking and then the doctor is going to give her clomid to help regulate. I'm really happy for her to finally have some answers and to have those answers not be the worst case scenario.

Cousin 1 has been put on bed rest for possibly the rest of her pregnancy. I don't have the full update on that one. Looks like they are going to schedule her in for a c section 1-2 weeks early as well, so early July she should be meeting her little babe.

And thats enough baby talk for me. I need to shower; I've caught my breath now from my morning work out... that I am dragging my ass to do each day. If I'm going to be home I may as well look good ;)

Still Alive

I sort of stopped blogging for a little bit there... and here I thought I was doing a good job at keeping it up. Things have been fairly crazy lately, lots of things going on, lots of emotions in my head. I am sure I could get a couple good posts out of it all so I wont do a general summary. I do tend to have a lot of time on my hands since I have been laid off.

Yup that's one thing that's happened. Oh I could have wrote some angry emotional posts on that one but I thought it might be better to deal with that in private than hash it out and bash someone to strangers on the internet ;)

I have been sitting at home now for 8 buisness days jobless. Two Fridays ago at approximately 2pmish two of the bosses (director, and assistant director previously posted about) entered my office and read me my termination letter stating my departure was due to things "not working out". I signed for the extra two weeks of severance pay so I got 4 weeks in total pay to tied me over until I can find a job.

I have gone through almost every possible emotion related to this; starting with the inital shock stage, that then turned to anger. I was soo pissed, seriously I bust my ass for that job, worked evenings and weekends from home, put in countless hours, created numerous templates that are in use and working great. No thanks, no good job just surprise we are going to lay you off 2 weeks before your probation period is over just because we can. Eventually I was sad of course that I no longer had what could have been an awesome job at an awesome facility (then I realized how I kept referring to it as could be and not that it was and got over it). Every now and then fear sets in, fear of what I am going to do next, how I am going to be able to afford to contribute to the bills.

My contract was designed in a way that allowed for easy dismissal at any point. Myself knowing how to my job and understanding how awesome I was actually doing didn't consider the fact that I could be sidelined and tossed out so easily. Lesson learned.  When you have someone in a position of power that desires power and feels threatened when someone else does a job well you are not safe. Does it sound like I am blaming this on one particular person? Cause I am, and not because I am scorned and looking to place blame. I would take full responsibility if I had done something wrong and deserved to be let go. But hey if I did would they really offer me more severance or just fire me for doing a bad job? hmm? 

I could go on and on forever because I obviously am still mad about it but I won't. The job hunt has begun and unfortunately there is not much out there... EI here I come...

F You American Idol

Seriously WTF !?! I can not believe they just sent Pia home!? She was by far the best singer this season, even better than some of the past seasons winners.... Really ticked right now, kinda not wanting to watch the rest of the season... America what were you thinking when you voted?

Lauren, Jacob, Scotty even Stefano I would understand. There is no way they are better than Pia...

Ugh I can't even write my original post now I'm too shocked and disappointed...

If only Canadians could vote.

Getting sick?

Took my temp today at work, 37.8... Either I'm getting sick or I'm pregnant again. My temp was high 37-low 38s for about a week before testing last time. Not really expecting anything else for about a week so I guess we will see what happens. Kinda sniffling a bit, could just be a cold... But they don't usually make my head feel like it's boiling, whereas being preg last time did. I'm trying not to think too much into it but wanted to track it somewhere.

Grumpy...not sure why

Ugh.. The weekend is practically over which means back to work tomorrow. Is it bad that i dread my job? Our weekend was a little more eventful than usual (we tend to veg on weekends); did nothing Friday night, went for a nice long walk Saturday during the day with the dog, out to a birthday gathering Saturday night, and bridesmaid duties and homemade pizzas on Sunday.

Hubby bailed on me today, sending me alone to his aunts house. I have no problem going over there, they tend to have an open door policy and are always welcoming. They kind of play the role of our local parents since we live away from our own, and the cousins are our age and really good friends. But today I was pretty miffed. He bailed at the last minute, I say were leaving at 12:30 and at 12:25 he says "I don't think I'm going to go, I have lots of laundry to do"...seriously? He was kinda in a grump from the minute he woke up which of course makes me feel grumpy, small living arrangements makes it easy to pass on a bad mood. He still seems kinda grump even after a day to himself so I'm kinda avoiding him still.

I don't even know if he's the real reason I'm grumpy... I woke up fine, feeling like a relaxing Sunday morning and excited for pizza (fave), sure he ticked me off but normally I'm over it by now. I'm finding lately my moods are just not so great, I don't know if it's related to all the drama at work, or delayed emotions from the miscarriage, maybe it's nothing at all. All I know is I am not that fun to be around these days. I'm thinking early bedtime today might be good.