Oops

I just realized that last post was in my old blog!

If your still following it cone follow my new blog.
mrsv-allthelittlethings.blogspot.com

Oh Boy!

Yesterday we had our anatomy ultrasound; you know the one where the check everything from the brain to the toes. Well ours went well and all the PIECES were there.

It was really cool to see everything in such detail! At first it took me a bit to get the hang of deciphering what I was looking at; at one point I thought maybe a boy, then maybe a girl.

At the end the tech asked if we saw everything we wanted to see... Well I decided to ask if she got a clear view of babes goods.

She said she saw right away, apparently babys bum was perfectly positioned so that when she put the probe on the first view was the money shot, but she said she quickly moved in case we didnt want to know. Again at first I wasn't sure what was what at first lol but she showed us again and we clearly are having a BOY! He was positioned perfectly we had a great view!

Hubby is super excited and I think shocked cause he thought we were having a girl. I wasn't guessing but had a feeling since boys are the majority in the family.

Girl cousin had another scan right before us and we got to see her as she was leaving; turns out both her twins are boys! I can't wait for them to grow up together :)

I'm gonna try to upload 2 pics (I'm using the blogger app on my iPod) one of the 3D and the other of week 19 belly.

Hope everyone is well!

Come follow my new blog

You may have noticed my absence lately. I noticed. 

I have been stuck in a rut, I no longer feel this blog is a place where I can write about what I want to write about and so I decided to make a New Blog. I hope those of you that have been reading will chose to read this new one :) I promise I will write more.

http://mrsv-allthelittlethings.blogspot.com/

I could just write here and change this blog... yes this is true...
But I feel like this particular blog is done. This stage is over for me.

I created this blog as an outlet for dealing with my miscarriage. It helped a lot, I had a place to write things and could tell people things without really telling anyone in particular.

I used this blog to find others dealing with loss, and boy did I find them. Thank you to all the blogs I've read and to all of you who have shared the journey this far with me.

Blogging was completely new to me when I started this, and since then I have found a wide variety of blogs I now love. Blogs about photography, crafting, organizing, fertility struggles , pregnancy and family to name a few.

I hope my new blog will find the balance I need/want with all the things I love and experience on a regular basis. So I am going to start fresh and try to be the blogger I really want to be :)

So if you will follow me I would love to have you :)

http://mrsv-allthelittlethings.blogspot.com/

16 weeks/ first trimester recap

* I know my first trimester ended a few weeks ago but I've been lazy and hadn't gotten around to doing a recap so hereit is combined with my 16 week update.

how far along?
16 weeks today :)

total weight gain?
I don't check regularly, but at my last appointment (2 weeks ago) I had gained a total of 6lbs. I might start tracking weekly on my own...the thought scares me

stretch marks?
None so far! I've started using bio oil since I've popped out so much these past few weeks. I know it's mostly genetics but I'm not taking any chances.

sleep?
It's getting better. We did recently purchase a king size posturepedic bed so that could have something to do with it ;). For a while I was sleeping for 2-3hour stretchs having to pee quite often.

best moment this week
Since I haven't done weekly posts how about best so far. That probably would be our ultrasounds and being told that little heart was beating :) such a relief.

worst moment this week
So far the worst moment was week 5 (or was it 6) when the spotting started and rushing to the ER because it was getting heavier and cramping.

movement?
No definite movement yet but we did put music and headphones on my belly last weekend and during that time I felt queasy butterfly sensations in my stomach. Hopefully I will feel something more definite soon. I'm terrified and eagerly awaiting it.

cravings?
I haven't had crazy cravings where I want weird things, or where I am making hubby go out and buynthings randomly. I kind of expected I would but not so far. However I am easily influenced by the power of suggestion, if I see someone eating something or hear someone talking about something therE is a good chance I will want it later. But that later could be days later, somfar I'm still acting sane. Two things I've noticed that I love lately are fresh tomatoes and gravy (not together) I could probably have them every day and love it.

gender?
We booked out anatomy ultrasound for October 18th :) hopefully the little one will cooperate and show us the goods ;)

labour signs?
Thank goodness nothing so far and we hope to keep it that way until March!

belly button?
My uterus appears to be high and at my 12 week ultrasound the technician barely went more than an inch below my belly button. To my surprise about a week later after much convincing from hubby I discovered I needed to take my belly button ring out! So early! I was shocked! But it turns out my belly button had relocated itself about an inch higher than normal and had started changing shape. It continues to change as time goes on and currently the top on the button hole (is that what it's called? lol) is started to push out and getting more shallow already.

symptoms?
Well we are improving and I have been pretty lucky but here are the symptoms I've experienced so far: lots of headaches, lots of heartburn, slight upset stomach at times (I wouldn't even call it nausea), frequent trips to the bathroom to pee(this has settled and no longer a problem), sore to touch boobies and nipples (some days are fine), oh and more recently I think my nipples have grown in size... I'm too scared to inspect this closer. I had a lot of bloat in the beginning, some episodes of constipation, and of course my rapidly growing belly.
Now that looks like a good list but it's not it was everything all the time, some days I feel perfectly fine, and others I get one or two of the above mentioned. Heartburn and headaches have been by far my biggest nemesis.

dreams?
Weird. That describes them. Also random. I've been having a lot of night terrors, and a lot of realistic dreams where when I wake up I don't realize it was a dream, those are mostly scary as well. Oh but the other night I had a silly dream where I was in a video game and people I knew where floating bubbles I had to jump on for points lol.

mood?
Generally happy but easily irritated.

other emotions?
I have moments of fear and anxiety. Fear about this dream crashing down as well as fear and anxiety about giving birth.

what I miss?
So far I haven't really had any moments where I actually miss anything. I look forward to having sushi again, and celebrating with some drinks but I get by just fine without them.

what I'm looking forward to?
Short term.. Finding out what were having! :) long term is getting to hold this baby :)

After 16 years....

This is going to be short because I'm still trying to digest the possibility. I needed to say something to someone and really right now you guys are my only option.

My mom is away on the coast of British Columbia floating down the ocean in a kayak with the whales.

She has been gone since Friday.

My step sister G casually mentioned to me today that there was a big fight before she left and that my stepdad has been packing his stuff preparing to leave.

So I called my step dad today to touch base, my mom is gone for the week and he's home with two teenage girls and his sick mother. I figured I'd better check in and make sure they are all eating.

Well I wasn't prepared for it but he broke down on the phone. He's basically desperate enough at this point with the outcome of their relationship that of all people he started pouring his heart out to me. All his fears, his concerns, and his failed attempts to fix the sinking ship that is their relationship.

It doesn't look good. I don't known her story and I never will I'm sure because my mom won't talk about any of those things. But from what he's said and what I know about my mom it sounds like she's given up and if it ends it's her doing.

I'm sitting her numb. Thinking about my family breaking up. I've been through this before 17 years ago but somehow I think this feeling is worse as an adult. Here I am happily planning my next year with my baby and there's a very good chance this baby won't get to be a part of these people's lives.

I'm devastated right now.

Waiting in limbo.

Long weekend recap

Long weekends. Love them. Despite the fact that recently our long weekends seem to be booked solid with events. No resting and relaxation for us. This one was no exception.

This Saturday MOH married hubby's cousin :) it was a beautiful day lots of smiles and love all around.

The celebrations began Thursday with the redecorating of the hall, followed by more decorating Friday, manicures and pedicures for the ladies while the men were golfing. Rehearsal was Friday evening followed by food and drinks at Hubby's aunt and uncles house.

Saturday was busy! Hair and makeup bright and early! Btw I don't wear much makeup and am kicking myself for not getting a good pic of how amazing my face looked! Seriously! I've never had makeup done that good before! It was supposed to rain but the sun was hot all day. We had so much fun.

Hubby had informed me that people were congratulating him at the church... Which is odd because we had not announced anything worth congratulating. At the hall the same happened to me. It became obvious we had a leak. We didn't want to be a distraction during someone else's wedding. Family didn't see it that way as Hubby's uncle (father of the groom) announced our pregnancy for us during his speech!!! I was soo embarrassed. Relieved it was out there since 90% of the family appeared to already know but still embarrassed. Apparently those who hadn't heard were already wondering because I am showing and am usually quite thin. When I gain 5 pounds it is noticable. They noticed.

So our announcement was made a day earlier than planned. Not too sure yet how MOH felt about that... Everyone else felt it was another reason to celebrate... She has been funny with all the wedding stress anyway so I've had a difficult time figuring her out lately.

I have a few fun pictures to share but I'll do that in a day or so. My mother in law is here visiting for the week.

Hope everyone had a great weekend :)

I'm quickly becoming the worst blogger ever!

I'm awful lazy these days.
I think about blogging, but then I never actually do it.
Not that I have all sorts of exciting things going on but I'm sure there's something I could tell you about.

So today I'm blogging.

Recap of the past few weeks. Work, work and more work. Yup that sums it up. Not exciting.
I did have an interview for a new job, fingers crossed that works out. I didn't tell them I was pregnant, I figure I'll mention it after the offer me the job.

We had that birthday BBQ for hubby. Low key fun with the cousins.

Our neighbours are almost ready to move so we have now inherited a fence which Hubby put together last week as well as a dishwasher. Two major scores there. Crappy about them leaving though, they were the only neighbours we actually talk to regularly.

MOH's bachlorette Party was this past Saturday. It was just a simple girls night with booze, and dirty games and prizes. Out of the guests there were 3  heavy drinkers, 1 casual drinker, 3 non drinkers and 1 fake drinker (me). I pulled off the fake drinking really well no one suspected anything, I did have a little help from girl cousin. I had to confide in her about the pregnancy cause I needed help then and will again this Saturday for the wedding.

Sunday Hubby and I traveled to Toronto to the amphitheater to see Incubus in concert. Great show, always is, and no this isn't our first time going to see them. Incubus was Hubby's favourite band when I met him and I at the time hated them by association to someone I highly disliked. But I caved and started actually listening to them and instantly was hooked. I even agreed to dance to an Incubus song as our first dance at the wedding. 

Monday had some exciting news for a few people. Girl cousin had her ultrasound and found out she is having a girl and a boy :) which brings the 2012 baby count up to 2 boys and 1 girl. Maybe we can add another girl with ours and round out the numbers. Hubby thinks we're having a girl.

Monday was also exciting for us. More me than Hubby unfortunatly since he was not able to get out of work... :( but my mom came to town and accompanied me to my ultrasound. And there on the screen was our little 12w1d baby all shaped like a baby! Heart thumping away at 166 beats per minute. I feel so relieved. We will be telling the rest of the family after the wedding this weekend and then the rest of the world shortly after that.

And on that note I will leave you for now with a picture. I have to go get ready cause I'm meeting a friend at 10.

ultrasound @ 12 weeks

little bump forming @ 11weeks

I'm sick :(

I hope everyone had a great weekend! :)

We had a little BBQ birthday celebration here for Hubby on Friday night, just a few people, girl cousin, her husband and her two brothers along with their spouses. Of course Hubby and I were there and his brother too. My meat aversion apparently includes the turkey burgers we bought... Luckily we had been snacking all afternoon so I just played it off as being full since none of them "know" about the pregnancy yet (the girls might suspect).

Saturday night I worked again. This week I have worked 5 out of the 6 shifts I was scheduled for, the 6th was supposed to be tonight, but I'm sick.

My head feels like it's triple the size, my nose is stuffed but burning and I have a funny taste in my mouth. Last night while at work I had a fever and kinda felt like I was going to either be sick or pass out. So tonight I stayed home.

I have the next 3 days off but it looks like i'll be spending them in bed :( blah.

Hope everyone had a great weekend. I'm too tired to read blogs so I'll catch up tomorrow.

Its been a while

I sorta just didn't want to post for a bit there.
I've quietly been reading your blogs, or at least trying to keep up and commenting occasionally when I felt inspired to do so... some posts I had comments for and then was just too lazy to say anything. Sorry about that. Ive been a terrible blog friend.  :(

I feel like the past 2 weeks have been a blur. Almost like Ive been sleeping the whole time ( I definitely have been tired enough),  I've been pretty much zombie waiting for the days to pass. I can't wait for August to be over and hopefully be making an announcement to the rest of our family and friends. I think my zombie state is my way of not getting too excited but also not dwelling on my fears. kinda a zombie coping method lol.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I'm pretty much demanding regular blood work the next few weeks and want to know when my next ultrasound is. I need reassurance, there's no denying it at this point.

Now onto the good things.

My boobs still hurt. lol not all the time (which of course worries me) but quite regularly. Like this morning for instance I went to put on my bra and as the fabric rubbed across my nipples I almost let out a little yelp. And yes I'm counting this as good. lol

I kinda, just kinda a little bit may be showing. Its undecided yet if its the bloat still or more, my mother in law thinks its a bump and I'm starting to think she may be right since it seems to be there all the time. The bloating has always come and gone with meals etc. She took a picture this past weekend so I will get it from her and post it later.


Nausea comes and goes with the bloat mostly. Ive been taking my nausea pills which seem to help and are possibly working to keep the actual nausea at bay. The only exception is last week I forgot to take them and felt horrid the whole next day... this also could have been food poisoning, I'm not the best cook.  lol

And as for non pregnancy things (because I really need to get in the habit of writing about other things more)...

My veggie garden is fried. We managed to get a few snow peas, a couple green beans, and a couple carrots out of it but I think the heat and lack of rain has pretty much doomed it. I water it was much as I can but its just not helping. All in all not a total failure.

I think I quite possibly may lose my money in our big brother pool soon. Remember me being so excited for it to start? lol well I paid my  $10 and got Danielle as my player, I was pretty psyched at first but I think Kalia may screw it all up for me this week and I'm gonna be out my money soon. I had such high hopes lol.

My brother in law is visiting for the week... more on that after he leaves...

and that's pretty much it. all in a nutshell. I will be back sooner than later :)


Oh and today I am 9 weeks 3 days pregnant. Heres that ultrasound from 7w3d.

156 bpm :)

Today has been a good day :)

My ultrasound went much better than last time. I could tell immediately that that the image on the screen was what it was supposed to be. It looked so different last time. The technician was actually the same one as we had before but I doubt she remembered us.
She started doing her measurements right away and telling us exactly what she was doing (which she didn't do last time) And the heart beat was there at 156 :) yay the little beans heart is still thumping away. I feel so relieved.

I got some pictures this time too which was nice, I will scan them later and post them at the end of the week. I think I will do a weekly post (seems to be the trend).

She said I was measuring right on track at 7w3d and confirmed my due date as March 11.

Hubby and I have decided to tell our parents this evening. We were gonna wait to tell his til we see them again in 2 weeks but he wants to tell them now and I'm ok with that.

I'm gonna go nap now cause I slept horribly, and didn't fall asleep til at least 1am! Despite my attempt at an early night lol

Oh and ps there was only 1 little one there ;)

Weekend recap - ultrasound tomorrow

So we successfully made it through the weekend without any scares or concerns horray!
I've come to realize that weekends scare me. My past experiences (the hemhorageing, and scares) were on weekends, so whenever a weekend approaches I automatically start to feel nervous. ESP ically since we were away this past weekend and out of my comfort zone.

But like I said everything went great. Not even any spotting. We had an enjoyable (for the most part) with some moments of relaxation (more me than hubby).

The cottage belonged to Hubby's old college roommate, he's been a good friend of both of ours since then and even was the MC at our wedding. He's the type of guy that could walk into a room of strangers and everyone would treat him like their best friend. Very charismatic. And apparently observant enough to call me out on the fact I was not drinking an hour into the visit. There were only five of us there at this point and we were just sitting on the deck when he looked at me and said " your not drinking?" raises an eye brown and before I get a chance to say anything a huge smile appeared on his face. Lol there was no point in trying to hide it I just smiled back and laughed. Hubby was just coming to sit down as this happened and was confused as to how it came out so fast. hubby and I had already agreed we would tell him anyways but it was funny how fast he pickedup on it.

Throughout the weekend he (the old roommate) would look at me and randomly say "grow a penis" lol. Apparently he's rooting for a boy ;)

The cottage was located on Lake Erie and their actually was some sort of fishing compition going on, hubby didn't enter but decided to spend some time waist deep in the lake trying to catch something. No luck, but their definitely were fish out there, they were kinda taunting him, jumping out of the water or splashing around so we could see them. on the Saturday while Hubby was fishing I looked over at him and realized their was a very faint rainbow in the sky :) it only last a few minutes but I managed to get a picture or two :) Hopefully it's a good sign!

We took some time to visit a few of Hubby's family members since we were less than an hour away, just quick visits for lunch. Enough to avoid the "why didn't you visit" comments later. Hubby's maternal grandfather has Althziemers and has been declining significantly the past six months. When we left I gave him a hug and he quietly in my ear said "it was nice to meet you" :( I'm pretty sure he didn't know who Hubby even was... There is a look that Althziemers and dementia patients get when they "cross over" and are no longer living in the same world we are.... And it saddened me to see that look in his eyes this weekend. When we left I told hubby what I noticed and he admitted he noticed he different look too.

Another thing about Althzhiemers and dementia patients, is that they seem to have a sixth sense when it comes to pregnancies, those patients seem to know, I've seen with my own eyes patients announce secret pregnancies of staff members. This weekend Hubby's grandmother asked us (again) if we were pregnant "yet" ... (I'm not gonna say how much I'm sick of that question), I coyly looked at my belly, looked to my left and right and said "well I don't see any babies around here" and just laughed and smiled. That's when grandfather speaks up and says "of course not that's because it's an angel baby" ... No one else noticed his comment (they tend to ignore weird things he says) but I got goosebumps and a chill down my back. All I could think was please please please let him be talking about the miscarriage earlier this year. Please let my baby be ok... I know that may sound silly to some but like I said I've seen first hand how some of these patients just know.

And so tomorrow is my ultrasound. Duh duh duh. (that's my suspense sound)
I'm calmly nervous, slightly terrified at moments and slightly excited. Despite the good news two weekends ago I still hold an association to ultrasounds. They tell you bad news. I want good news and I'm hoping and praying I get it, but I'm as prepared as I can be if I don't. And so I've got mixed signals, I saw my rainbow, but the comment from Hubbys grandfather is in the back of my head. I have been having some more symptoms, my boobs are feeling heavy and slightly tender (finally! I've been waiting anxiously for this part), and they are pretty vieny. :s lol and I'm pretty sure that the grossness I've been feeling is nausea, it's hard to describe but it's lasting some days all day. I thinkif I talk about it anymore I may just increase the anxiety so I'm gonna stop.

Im gonna head to bed early, maybe read a bit of my book. I've been slacking on blog reading but kinda on purpose until after tomorrow. I have a fee new blogs I started following last week so I'll have to catch up and comment (also slacking) later this week.

Hope everyone had a great weekend :) sorry for such a long post!

Blah ... Cheeseburgers were not a good idea

I feel gross.
Burpy, bloated kinda nauseous gross.
All because as I was leaving work this evening I thought it would be a good idea to go to mcdonalds.
AND not only did I think it was a good idea, but for some reason I thought eating a double cheeseburger and two regular cheeseburgers was a smart move.
I don't even remember when the last time I had mcdonalds or any fast food was... So I think I kinda overdid it. Now I'm exhausted and want to sleep but can't because when I close my eyes it's all gurgles. I kinda want to puke, except puking scares me. It's only happened a handful (no exaggeration) of times in my life (if we count alcohol induced then make it two handfuls), I do everything in my power to avoid it, and cry like a baby when it happens.

This week has been pretty mediocre for me, nothing really has happened. I've worked the past two evenings, and boy am I sore after. I stand for almost eight hours straight. When I'm done my feet, knees, hips, and back all ache.

Today is two days now without spotting, so hopefully that's over with. I can't help but be nervous even with hearing good news on Saturday. I'm kinda now scared about infection... But we did a swab last Wednesday so that would tell us I'm hoping.

Were going to a friends cottage this weekend. In the middle of nowhere. The closest hospital is twenty five minutes away and it's small. Hopefully we won't need it but I can't help but worry some. If the spotting stays away that will help me feel better. Hopefully I am able to relax and enjoy myself. We debated not going but I know hubby has been looking forward to it so I'm putting on my brave face.

7 more days til my ultrasound.

I think I migh be ok to try to sleep now. I'll stop my rambling for now ;)

Hope everyone is having a good week!

75 Reminders

"75 Reminders for when Times are Tough" I've been reading this blog lately; it contains lots of inspirational and thought provoking posts.
* I can't seem to link to the blog but if you check my blog list to the right this was originally posted on "Marc and Angel Hack Life"


Tho this is long I wanted to share it with you, because even on our good days I think we sometimes need these reminders :) oxo <3



1) You never know how strong you really are until being strong is the only choice you have.

2) Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

3) You cannot change what you refuse to confront.

4)Nobody is perfect, and nobody deserves to be perfect.  Nobody has it easy.  You never know what people are going through.  Every one of us has issues.  So don’t belittle yourself or anyone else.  Everybody is fighting their own unique war.

5) Crying doesn’t indicate that you’re weak.  Since birth, it has always been a sign that you’re alive and full of potential.

6) No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.
 
7) Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

8) Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.  Let it go.

9) Making one person smile can change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  Start small.  Start now.

10) Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

11) Never let success get to your head, and never let failure get to your heart.

12) You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life.

13) Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.

14) You can learn great things from your mistakes when you aren’t busy denying them.

15) Give up worrying about what others think of you.  What they think isn’t important.  What is important is how you feel about yourself.

16) When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.

17) When other people treat you poorly, keep being you.  Don’t ever let someone else’s bitterness change the person you are.

18) You have to accept that some things will never be yours, and learn to appreciate the things that are only yours.

19) Sometimes it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one in the world who’s struggling, who’s frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting by.  But that feeling is a lie.  And if you just hold on, someone will find you and help make it better.  Because we all need a little help sometimes – someone to help us hear the music in our world.  To remind us that it won’t always be this way.  That someone is out there right now.

20) Don’t be afraid to move out of your comfort zone.  Some of your best life experiences and opportunities will transpire only after you dare to lose.

21) Sometimes we accidentally allow small problems to escalate and dominate our lives.  If we get overcharged a few cents, it is irritating, but don’t let it ruin your day.  There will always be small issues that irritate us; the secret is to be able to give them the miniscule level of importance they deserve.

22) Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go. 

23) Ask yourself whether each of your relationships drags you down or lifts you up.  Surrounding yourself with positive, loving people is half the battle of living a happy, successful life.

24) Spend more time with those who make you smile and less time with those who you feel pressured to impress.

25) There are few joys in life that equal a good conversation, a good read, a good walk, a good hug, a good smile, or a good friend.

26) Don’t dwell on the past or worry about the future for too long.  Right now is life.  Live it.

27) No matter how cautiously you choose your words, someone will always twist them around and misinterpret what you say.  So just say what you need to say.

28) In order to be creative, we must lose our fear of being wrong.

29) Not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of good luck.

30) To be great does not mean you have to dominate others.  It means you have to dominate your own potential.

31) If you are passionate about something, pursue it, no matter what anyone else thinks.  That’s how dreams are achieved.

32) If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.

33) Forgiveness is one of the primary keys to happiness.

34) The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives your adversaries more insane than seeing you smile.

35) Stay positive when negativity surrounds you.  Smile when others frown.  It’s an easy way to make a difference.

36) If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. Don’t bother reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.

37) Don’t regret intimate relationships that don’t work out.  Because they will only help you find the right partner for you, and better appreciate them for everything they do and everything they are.

38) What lies before us and behind us are tiny matters when compared to what lies within us.

39) The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists.  It rewards people who get things done.  And the only way to get things done is to be imperfect 99% of the time.

40) Never lie – not even a white lie!  When you steer away from the truth, you steer away from your soul.  Be honest, be real and tell the truth.  This awareness forces you to make better choices and be a stronger person.

41) Feelings, good and bad, always come and go.

42) Don’t get caught up in wasted potential from years past.  Potential is all we ever have.

43) We are not alone.  No matter how bizarre or embarrassed or pathetic we feel about our own situation, there will be others out there experiencing the same emotions.  When you hear yourself say “I am all alone,” it is your mind trying to sell you a lie so you will continue to feel sorry for yourself.

44) It is okay to be angry.  It is never okay to be cruel.

45) Don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines.

46) Mistakes teach you important lessons.  Every time you make one, you’re one step closer to your goal.  The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.

47) Money is a renewable resource.  If you lose some money, don’t sweat it.  You can always make more.  However, if you spend valuable time stressing over money, or lost opportunity, you’ll never get that time back.  Time is more valuable than money – time is the greatest constituent of life.

48) Never let people know that they got to you.  Ignore them.  Hold your head up high and pretend all their negative remarks don’t even phase you, and someday they actually won’t.

49) There is nothing to hold you back except you.  And there is only one question to ask yourself: “What would you do if you were not afraid?”  Think about it.

50) Life is way more enjoyable when you stop trying to be cool and simply focus on being yourself.

51) It’s often hard to tell just how close you are to success.

52) When you spend time worrying, you’re simply using your imagination to create things you don’t want.

53) No matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should be.  Either you succeed or you learn something. Win-Win.

54) You must see things how they are instead of how you hoped, wished, or expected them to be.

55) Even when you feel like you have nothing, someone else likely has far less.  Find them and help them.  You’ll see why.

56) Laughter is the best medicine for stress.  Laugh at yourself often.  Find the humor in whatever situation you’re in.

57) If you want to feel rich, just count all the great things you have that money can’t buy.

58) Forgiving yourself is far more important than getting others to forgive you.

59) If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

60) You can press forward long after you can’t.  It’s just a matter of wanting it bad enough.

61) It’s not about getting a chance, it’s about taking a chance.  You’ll rarely be 100% sure it will work.  But you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Sometimes you just have to go for it!

62) If it were easy everyone would do it.  This is why get rich quick schemes will never be true.  If it was so quick and easy then everyone would be millionaires.  Accomplishing great things is hard work, but well worth it.

63) Notice and cherish life’s surprises.  Just because it’s not what you were expecting, doesn’t mean it’s not everything you’ve been waiting for.

64) Be vulnerable.  Allow yourself to feel, to be open and authentic.  Tear down any emotional brick walls you have built around you and feel every exquisite emotion, both good and bad.  This is real life.  This is how you welcome new opportunities.

65) You must create and look for opportunities.  Opportunities rarely ever come knocking on the door of someone who’s not seeking them.  You have to create and seek opportunities for yourself.  You have to take the initiative to get the ball rolling and the doors opening.

66) If it’s out of your control, why fret about it?  Concentrating on things you can control is how you make good things happen.

67) Saying “no” to right people gives you the time and resources required to say “yes” to right opportunities. 

68) No matter how much progress you make there will always be the people who insist that whatever you’re trying to do is impossible. Or they may incessantly suggest that the idea or dream as a whole is utterly ridiculous because nobody really cares. When you come across these people, don’t try to reason with them. Instead, forget that they exist. They will only waste your time and energy.

69) If you spend 80% of your time focusing on the problem and only 20% on the solution, what do you think is going to happen?

70) No matter how badly you think your life may be going, or how messed up you think you are, there is at least one thing you are doing right in your life or you wouldn’t be alive reading this.

71) A problem is a chance for you to learn.

72) The greatest struggle is to be something different from what the average man is.

73) In times of great stress, it’s always wise to keep busy, to plow your anger and frustration into something positive.

74) One thing is for sure: Regardless of the situation, life goes on.

75) Everyone wants a perfect ending.  But over the years I’ve learned that some of the best poems don’t rhyme, and many great stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, or end.  Life is about not knowing, embracing change, and taking a moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next.

There was a heartbeat!

So the past few days have been stressful to say the least, and I feel like the next eleven will be as well but our moods have shifted and we are feeling more optimistic.

If you recall I posted earlier this week that I was having some spotting, it wasn't red but it was there and I was scared. It continued again Thursday on and off, sometimes I'd go to the bathroom and it would be there, sometimes we'd be all clear. Friday was a great day, clear ALL day! I was so happy, we decided to go out for dinner with MOH and hubby's cousin (her fiancé), dinner was great, everyone was carefree and having a good time. And then we got home and I went the bathroom...

There it was. And it was red. Not bright red but red. I panicked grabbed the keys and told hubby (who had some beers at dinner and was half in the bag) to get in the car. The drive down was a blur. I remember trying to keep my composure so I could drive there without crashing. Waiting in triage I started panicking. Luckily it remained as spotting, no one even looked down there. The doctor did a quick scan on the portable ultrasound machine to make sure it wasn't ectopic, took some blood and since I had stopped spotting at the time sent me home. But told us we needed to come back for an actual ultrasound.

This morning I woke to our phone ringing, in my hazy half awake state I spoke to the ultrasound tech who asked if we could be there at 9am (less than an hour). Oh ya that's right, last night wasn't a dream.. So we hurried back to the hospital, me chugging three tall glasses of water on the way.

So we had an ultrasound, first an abdominal one and then I had my first introduction to the wand ma jiggy (or whatever it was Maria called it lol). Ya that was awkward, Hubby's face was kinda funny when she explained where that was going! She took a bunch of pics, pushed on my stomach, had me hold my breath, all sorts of fun. Hubby told me later that when I was holding my breath she was looking for a heartbeat. Obviously we didn't expect to see one, after all I'm only going on 6 weeks tomorrow and everywhere I've read said that's the week it starts.

After the technician was done and I was getting dressed Hubby was all excited. I didn't get to see the screen but he could, and he was convinced he saw the baby. Horray for baby being in my uterus (we think) next we had to wait for the doctor to come with the results.

We waited just over an hour, which wasn't too bad. We went and got breakfast at the hospitals cafe and it was actually pretty good. Next we were ushered into one of the gyne rooms in emerg (thankfully not the same room that I hemorrhaged in) after a short wait the doctor came, asked how I was feeling, no cramps? No bleeding? Then asked if the tech told us anything....

We just kinda looked at each other and waited for the worst. But to our surprise the doctor had a grin on his face and told us the scan reveled a healthy pregnancy and even a heartbeat! I'm not sure who said what but Hubby and I were so shocked to hear him say heartbeat lol there was a "WHAT" and "ALREADY?" and the doctor chuckled a little.

So currently the little bean has a heartbeat :) I feel so relieved. Were not totally out of the woods yet but we can see thru the trees. They couldn't find any reason for the spotting, but they seemed optimistic everything was looking good. So now we count down to the ultrasound which I am still nervous about but feeling much better. Only eleven more days.

Not feeling to positive :(

I'm going to start by saying I highly dislike my doctor.... She doesn't have a clue...

*warning potentially TMI descriptions used*

My day today started with my 530am (becoming routine) pee, in my half awake state I notice that the toilet paper had a slightly brownish discharge to it (I always look cause I'm paranoid), I was kinda freaked but shrugged it off and went back to sleep.

An hour later I made myself (so I could look) pee again before leaving to take Hubby to work... There it was again....light brown on the toilet paper... I was slightly more panicked but didn't tell Hubby.

After I dropped him off I came home and went back to sleep. I woke around 9:30 and pee'd again...this time all clear. But it didn't help my growing fear...I called the doctors office and told the receptionist (who is the sweetest thing ever) she told me to stay in bed if possible and call her if there's blood. My appointment was at 1:20pm so I spent the morning in bed, pee'd a few more times (still clear) and tried to relax.

At my appointment I pee'd in my cup and noticed a slight tinge on the toilet paper again. Not as noticeable as before but it was there. My doctor (whom I saw for confirmation last week) asked all the same questions as before, as if it was my first time seeing her. When was my last period, is this my first pregnancy, do I have living children etc in-between my answers she flipped thru my chart looking at papers (papers that should have had the info I'm telling her). Then she asks (with a puzzled look) when my last pap was. Duh it should be in my file it was in January when I was pregnant. Then she says she needs to have the results faxed to her so we can determine if I need another? Wtf after the last pap she sat there with the supposed results in her hand and told me all was good. Where did they go?

After about 5 minutes she comes back says the results arrived I don't need one, just one swab to send for cultures and has me do it myself. Wouldnt you know it, there it was on the swab the brownish discharge. To me it looks similar to the discharge right before or right after my period... She just looks at it and says book an appointment in 4 weeks and if I start to bleed go to the hospital.

That's it?!?!

WTF?!?

I haven't been having any "cramping" just a few twinges and a kind of stretching feeling the past few days. So now I just sit and have to wait and see what happens. Great.

I'm trying really really hard to stay positive. Some ppl have actual bleeding and have successful pregnancies... I could be fine.

Today I am 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant.

Oh and yesterday I found out girl cousin is having twins. So ya how's that for salt in the wound....I'm probably gonna skip out of our big brother gathering tomorrow....

Owie owie owie

:( I am a giant stripped lobster.

I decided to spend my day off today lounging in the pool over at Hubby's Aunts house. It was great. Such a good way to spend a hot day. I usually do not burn much, maybe my face might get a little red but it usually fades after a day. Well usually I am not hanging out by water when tanning, and I kinda forgot it attracts the suns rays... And now I am a red hot mess. And to make it worse I have stripes... Apparently I must have been sitting on an angle, because the left half of my face is turning bright red, and the right side of my face and neck are super white... I have stripes down most of my body too... I don't remember it being so hard to get an even tan when I was younger. Evil evil sun.

Pictures to follow because it is too horrible to keep to myself :(

Oh and I am almost out of aloe vera.... This is gonna suck.

Holy it's Saturday already!

This week has flown by.
I have a lot of blog reading to catch up on, I tried a few times to get on here but Hubby has been hogging the iPad. Between lack of access (because apparently turning on the actual computer is too much work) and being at work I haven't felt overly ambitious to sign on.

Work is different. Different as in a different role than I'm used to, less responsibility than I'm use to, and more residents that I'm caring for. A lot more. Tuesday evening was straight up hell. I was supposed to be having my second orientation shift but instead was put on the floor with an RN to oversee me because they were so short. Sure put the girl who hasn't passed pills on a med cart and have her give medications to 48 complete strangers, oh and have someone who never passes pills supervise her and call it training. I was dreading going back but Thursday was much better. Different floor, actual orientation and a really helpful and nice nurse training me. I got back this Thursday for one more training shift then I'm on my own next weekend.

Wednesday I went to see my doctor to get the official confirmation on the pregnancy. Of course I pee'd in a cup and she said I was pregnant. That's pretty much it. Sometimes I don't like my doctor and that was one of those days. I felt rushed, she didn't say anything about the miscarriage and didn't ask me if I even had questions or concerns. As she was filling out the req for my blood work I asked her if there was anything I should or shouldn't be doing. Should eat healthy, remain stress free as possible, and take my vitamins. The should not list includes exercise and sex. Good to know, would she have told me if I hadn't asked? I also had her write me a note to excuse me from night shifts at work, I wanted this anyways since it really puts stress on my body but I think now that I'm pregnant it helped. Avoid stress for healthy pregnancy, also avoid stress to reduce risk of epileptic seizures. I had to give the letter to the occupational nurse at work and also reveled to her my pregnancy. I figured I'd better just be upfront now.

I go back to my doctor this coming Wednesday for I think an exam? I also got my ultrasound booked for July 27th. Seems to close but I guess I will be almost 8 weeks at that time, and they think the last one stopped growing around that time. I anticipate that week will be very stressful... I think I'm going to ask for more blood work prior or else I might have a panic attack in the ultrasound waiting room.

Hubby has been pretty nervous, we've actually been having some good conversations are things in general. He's worried about the next few weeks, as well worried about next March and having a baby while he's finishing trade school and preparing to write his exam for his license. Things like how are we going to afford this, what if I get put on bed rest or have to take sick leave, what if he gets laid off in the next few months? I'm also having mixed emotions these days, I'm excited, but I'm terrified.

Tomorrow I will be five weeks pregnant.
Besides the fact that in the evenings my stomach swells in size so much you'd think I was four months pregnant I haven't been having many symptoms. Im still a recent visitor to the bathroom my kidneys must be working in overdrive, my headaches have been gone since last Sunday (after a daily headache for almost a week), there have been one or two occasions of very mild nausea but I think it had more to do with being hungry or from eating.

I want to be more excited. I should be more excited. It doesn't seem fair that this has to be tainted because of fears while other are completely oblivious and having carefree pregnancies.

Long Weekend recap

Happy Fourth of July to my American friends :) Hope you are enjoying your day off today... I have to work... But I also did have Friday off while you were at work ;)  lol
So Friday being that it was Canada day we enjoyed a nice BBQ with swimming (for some, I didn't feel like it) at Hubby's cousin's house. This is one of those second cousins but because they are Italian everyone is just a "cousin" lol. Anyhoo we had a great time, the weather was gorgeous, everyone wore their red and white clothes, we even put on a few patriotic temporary tattoos (one of the little kids had on 8 by the end of the day). The food was great. I BBQ but my BBQ never tastes as good as when other people do it... I must figure out what I am missing ... lol Hubby and I were exhausted by the end of the day. Good sleep was had that night for sure. Oh and there was firework right in our own backyard this year! We opted not to go down to the water (its always crazy busy) and got to watch the neighbors put on their own display (which may or may not have been illegal since I'm pretty sure the bilaw states you need to be 100ft from any houses...)

Oh and Friday I attempted to do my first ever french braid on my bangs... its kind of sad looking but not bad considering ;) It looked cute from a front view... that could just be me ;)

It kinda looks like a braid? Maybe... ? lol

Saturday was kind of a relax at home, do a few chores, work on a few projects kind of day. I'm trying to make a cake topper for MOH's wedding cake... its proving to be a challenging task and I hope she likes it. If she doesn't want to use it I understand too lol. It was during my time working on the cake topper that I got the urge to test and as I've already told you it was positive! I called the doctors office today and I go in tomorrow to confirm :) I'm trying to remain positive and not worry much. Positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts*** lol Oh and I did tell Hubby later that afternoon, I waited until he seemed kinda liked he liked me again and then told him I wanted to show him what Id been doing all afternoon. lol. Its funny when he sees the stick, he reacted the same last time too, doesn't say too much. Just sort of looks at it, and looks at me with a slight smile on his face, and a slight twinkle in his eye. It takes him a day or two before he really gets excited, I think its processing time lol. He actually brought it up yesterday, said something about the "what ifs" I think he's trying not to get to excited this time because of last time. Positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts***

Of course I'm gonna show you ;) That sucker appeared in less than 10 seconds!

Sunday was HOT!! OMG sweating after a 15 minute walk with the dog at 10:30am kinda hot. I didnt even check the weather channel because I simply did not want to know. After taking the dog out I decided to head over to the mall to pick up my fabulous new shoes that I ordered for MOH's wedding. The air conditioning in the mall felt amazing (it wasn't until yesterday evening we finally turned on our central air). When I got home again I found hubby and the animals all hanging out in the basement to get some relief from the heat, and after being home for about maybe 10 minutes I received a bbm from MOH saying they were at Hubby's Aunt's house swimming in the pool. Yay for pools!! You didn't need to ask us twice we jumped up and quickly changed into out suits and spent the whole afternoon lounging in the pool which was followed by another awesome BBQ. I think its offical, summer is here. Two BBQ's and pool "parties" in 3 days = summer :) Oh and after yesterday Hubby decided it was time to turn the air on. We had been putting it off since we get a good breeze through the house and the basement is cool but we are gonna need it if there's more days like yesterday.

Ta Da! I LOVE them :D !! 

So that's my weekend recap :) I start my new job offically this evening.. kinda nervous about that, and I've got that appointment tomorrow... Positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts*** :)

Hope everyone had a good weekend!

I couldn't wait....

So there I was just sitting up in my craft room/spare room and all of a sudden I got up walked to the bathroom and pulled out that little test. It was like a little voice in my head told me it was time. I don't know what came over me, I was quite content with waiting another day. So I did it, I tested..... Hubby doesn't know I even bought a test let alone that I took it, and this morning we had a fight. A stupid fight but a fight none the less. He's still mad at me. Kinda avoiding me actually. As stupid as the fight was it wasn't the kind of fight that could be resolved by me telling him about the test either, in fact it might only prolong the fight. So now I'm stumped, how do I tell him about my BFP!?! :)

Sending good thoughts to everyone in their tww :)

Happy long weekend :)

For everyone who gets a one, Happy long weekend! And if you don't get a long weekend where your from may I suggest taking one anyways? Lol you know you wanna ;)

I've made my pasta salad, beers are in the fridge, I've got my red and white ensemble and I'm ready to celebrate Canada day :) were going to a cousins for a little BBQ and pool party and might go check out the fireworks later too (btw perk of living so close to the border I can watch fireworks today and Monday!)

Hope everyone has a fun and safe weekend!





p.s. I bought a pregnancy test... It's sitting on the shelf under the bathroom sink. I'm tempted to use it but won't just in case this is just another wonky cycle. If AF doesn't show by Sunday I'm breaking that sucker out!

2ww crazies

It's that time; everywhere you look there's something you see referencing pregnancy, symptoms of all sorts make there appearance legit or not. It can make a girl feel crazy. Of course there's all the emotions attached to it as well, you get excited at every twinge only to later want to dig yourself a hole and hide while the storm clouds hang over your head. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why can't we just carry on like it's any other week?

Currently I am waiting to see my fate as the final few days of my 2ww pass. Do I think there's a chance I could be pregnant? Of course, I tell myself this every month. I'm sure I've mentioned before how despite hubby wanting us to just "see what happens" we often end up dancing* during my "fertile time". There's something about that week that makes hubby subconsciously more willing to dance. No complaints from me ;) And since my past few cycles have been a little wonky and made me wonder if I'm even ovulating regularly...so this past cycle I've started a bit of detective work to try and see what's up. I am fairly certain I indeed ovulated, so I guess time will tell. By Sunday at the latest I will have my answer, if AF is going to show her nasty face she could show as early as tomorrow. Of course if she does I will be upset, usually there's a moment of anger in there too, but I will have to remind myself we are not trying. We are not preventing but we are not trying.

But what does that really mean? Sometimes I worry that I won't get pregnant, and then when it's time to actually try it won't happen either...what if I am wasting all this time by "not trying", if there's something wrong doctors make you wait a year before they do anything about it. That's a long time, then add in whatever amount of time we waste by "not trying" ...*sigh*

Another side effect of the 2ww - anxious imagine the worst case anxiety.

I know I am not the only one eagerly waiting for a chance at a rainbow, cousin #2 is on cycle day 28 and most likely holding her breath. The metformin the doctor put her on shortened her cycle to 27days last month, so if we go by that she's a day late. So fingers crossed for for a sticky bfp for her. There's a part of me that not only wants my own bfp but for cousin#2 and I to be able to go thru this together. I want our babies to grow up together and have the type of relationship I didn't get the chance to have with her. In case you don't understand what I mean I only met cousin #2 four years ago. Of course I will be thrilled for her even if I'm not pg she's struggled for three years now.

Blog friends Maria and Diana are also waiting. I've been sending out lots of positive thoughts and prayers for everyone. One thing I find making it easier for me has been counting down the days for these ladies <3

Oh the 2ww crazies... Lol

Doesn't help that hubby is away tonight at a motley crue concert and I'm left here to think about everything without distraction. But at least I get to watch anything I want on tv ;)

Cirque du Soleil ~ Quidam

Horray!
Last night I went to Ottawa with my mom, Baby G, and the foster girl (random girl that lives at my moms now ever since Baby G brought her there). My mom had bought us all tickets for the Cirque du Soleil show for our birthdays :) it was soo cool. I only wish it was longer (cause 2 hours isn't long enough haha).

They didnt allow any sort of pictures to be taken, although Im sure I coulda got a few since I had my ipod and it doesnt have a flash but I didnt want to risk it. There were a few random flashes going off but security quickly found them and that was the end of that.

I did buy a program since I wanted a few pics to remember the night, and so I've scanned it into my computer to share with you :)

The German Wheel - one of my favourites; he got this thing spinning so fast

Boum Boum - I'm not sure about this guy, he showed up a few times and always seemed angry, almost evil

Diabolos - These girls were pretty cool, they had those spindles doing all sorts of moves

Aerial Contortion in silk - I love love love any act like this; this one was more artistic with not as many crazy moves

Aerial hoops - another fave; these girls were so cool to watch

Statue - a quiet slow moving act, the positions they were balanced in was unreal, we could see their abs shaking as they held each other in the poses

Cloud swing - this had some pretty moves as she swing thru the air on the cord

The Target- random in between act, fun to watch

This is one of the first scenes before the girl leaves home; the story is a little hard to follow

If you ever have the chance to see the show I highly recommend it! It was soo good :)

"A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway" ~unknown

So I had mentioned before that I was taking some time for myself, working on rebuilding a few relationships that had suffered the past few months. Before I could rebuild anything I also needed to determine which to rebuild and which to let go...

The year has been a tough one emotionally and mentally, and now that I am in a position to reflect and look back I can see that I withdrew from people a little. I became quieter, timid, somewhat reclusive. I did not have the energy to socialize with people, I did not want to hear their problems and didn't want to pretend to care. I stopped reaching out to people, no texting, less Facebook use, even less calling (which I didn't do much of to begin with).

And since I hadn't even really told many people about the miscarriage (which is what started but was not soley responsible for me feeling this way), many people did not even know what was going on. Everyone knew I had lost my job, but really who gets that upset about just a job, and so the support I really needed was not there. No one knew I needed it. There were a few people that knew, and while I felt supported at times I don't think they knew how bad I really felt. I also didn't tell them.{Thank you for all the support and encouragement everyone here has given, your kind words are always comforting}

So this past week I've been trying to decide who makes the cut. And by this I simply mean I'm no longer going to put any extra effort in to "friendships" that are not worth it, I am in no way going to shun anyone either but sometimes you have to realize when people are just not the best for you. I don't want to feel upset because someones turns their back when I need them...unfortunately this has happened these past few months before I started to withdraw on my own.

So I started calling people, and texting, and replying to the messages on Facebook that I never got back too, I have even hung out with a few of them. I'd love to tell you about each of them but other than Yankee, the others don't really have nicknames... So I'm digging deep for a few pics to share (everyone loves pics), this is proving difficult since I'm looking for pics that showcase their personalities a bit while not giving away their identities... I'm gonna have to think up names for them at some point lol.

Me and Yankee Sumo style

Cousin#2

Myself and (a very pregnant) highschool friend of mine at my wedding

Skinny Bitch :) haha she probably one of the smallest people I've ever met (for the record she eats A LOT)

MOH - dressed in costume for the Beastie Boys concert

The fabulous Miss K (my shutterbug buddy)

 And now that I'm looking at these pictures I've come to realize that these are infact the ones who knew what was going on. They knew the whole story, and they were there when I called on them.

" A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out"~unknown

{I have been trying to write this post for almost a week now and couldnt figure out what I wanted to say, it took a few attempts. While writing it I saw this post by Little Miss Momma as she wrote about friendship this week too. I like what she wrote here so I'm quoting part of her post below }
  
"You know the one.
The friend that you can go a year without talking to
and then when you see each other its as if no time has passed at all.
You still complete each others sentences,
you still laugh at the same jokes
and you still make each other smile.

Because this kind of friendship is timeless.
This kind of friendship reminds you of a version of yourself you sometimes forget."

It makes me happy to be able to say I have these kinds of friends 

 

Hubby

I have decided I should tell you some things about Hubby, he is a reoccurring person in this blog and kinda a big deal in my life ;)

The first time I saw him I pretty much fell in love; as in he pretty much moved in slow motion as he walked across the parking lot and yard to the res building. Kinda like something from a movie lol. His blue eyes were striking and noticeable from a distance and I had this feeling inside me that made me want/need to know who he was - which I might add was a challenging task. It took him almost four weeks to notice me (sometimes he pretends he noticed me sooner), and took nothing short of me and a friend knocking on his door (after having a few drinks for courage) wearing a low cut v neck shirt and my trusty boobalicious cleavage bra ;) asking him, his roommate and friends how our outfits looked. That night cupids arrow had finally hit him and we've been inseparable ever since.

And no I am not ashamed to say I practically hunted and seduced my husband with a great pushup bra.

He plays music by ear and is good at practically any sport (at least any sport I've seen him play). I love listening to him play his acoustic guitar, it's one of my favourite sounds (acoustic guitar) and I think he is much more talented than he gives himself credit for.

He is a plumber/pipe fitter. No he doesn't let his crack hang out, and he does more than unplug toilets. His job is so much more, and I am so proud of him for finding this path and all he's accomplished. Who woulda knew that the blue eye cutie wearing the backwards ball cap, unbuttoned dress shirt, hoops in his ears (and nipples) would grow up to be such a manly man ;). Personally I think he's the best of both worlds, rugged and manly but cleans up real nice too. oh and during this transformation to becoming a manly man he ditched all the hoops lol.

The leg lift was his idea in this pic and he's proud of it

He's not much of a talker, about feelings that is. But every now and then he opens up, sometimes it's only a sentence, but when he does I know it's something that matters.

He's kinda a fighter, not physically (although I'm sure when he was younger...) but verbally. When he doesn't agree, or something has upset him or made him mad. Sometimes it embarrasses me (road rage), and others I secretly love his passion about things. I get a cheap thrill from our arguments, we kinda are perfect for each other that way, I like to hash it out, yell a little, pick a fight and argue so it seems fitting that I have married someone who will fight with me and love me at the same time.

He chews his nails. A lot. Like seriously a lot. So much that there have been times where his nail beds have been half the size they are supposed to be. It makes me cringe, it's kinda gross, and sometimes plain annoying. But I love him still despite this flaw. I am pleased to add that he recently has been doing an amazing job at not chewing his left hand... Those poor little guys on the right haven't escaped yet.

He does his own laundry.

He is Italian (half) and has a lot of family. I remember the first time I met most of them, it was the day after boxing day and as we pulled up to this big house with all the fancy expensive looking cars and I wondered what I had gotten myself into. I envisioned a scene from some Italian mobsters movie. Well I was close, there were lots of cousins, and aunts and uncles inside that house, lots of food, and lots of wine. It was loud, and kind of crazy compared to my quiet reserved family and I loved it.- Oh and no they are not mobsters lol.

He has two older brothers and a younger sister. His parents are divorced and his father is set to remarry, his future stepmother has children of her own; two sons, and two daughters. So between the two of us that brings our total sibling count to five brothers and eight sisters with two sister in laws.

He puts up with my randomness, and my frequent habit of leaving a task unfinished while I begin a new one, and loves me even when sometimes I might not always be the easiest to love.

He didn't kick me out when I brought home the dog he told me not too.. and I quote his words were "if you get a dog you are outta here, I mean it" - He loves our dog too much ;)

He supported me at a time in my life when my world got completely turned around; when my bio dad reached out and made contact. This was a stressful time for me, which meant a stressful time for us, but he stuck it out and was supportive while being cautiously protective.

He is my soul mate.  Yes I believe in that sorta things <3


"There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight.."
Echo - Incubus

Big Brother 13 Countdown is on :)

Only 15 more days until Big Brother 13

After fighting it for 11 seasons I finally caved last year and developed a love for this show. Some close friends and family offered us a spot in their BB pool, the buy in was $10, first person out gets their money back and the winner takes the rest.

Well last year I was  Andrew ... didn't make it too far but it was still fun watching the rest of the season. I've been searching youtube today looking for videos to recap and get me ready for this season and here is what Ive found so far :)

Im So excited :) :) :)               

Hockey Riots, and Misc thoughts

I know I am late with this one... I coulda and probably shoulda just blogged about it the morning after but I got caught up in a few different things. So because it obviously is late I'm not going to say all the things I originally would have said about the riot that occurred after Vancouver lost the Stanely Cup.

I will say as a Canadian I am appalled by the behaviour that took place. I know many have said that despite wearing hockey jerseys these people were not true fans but instead rowdy drinkers who were looking to cause a scene that night. I agree this is possible since I live in a city thats well known University has become famous for its newsworthy annual homecoming street party, a party that forms facebook groups designed for planning the mischief that is caused (think burning cars etc).  Despite who it was, it was embarrassing to have it discussed on talk shows, gossip blogs and practically every news station and newspaper on this continent (possibly further).

I will also say that this picture amused me... it was one of the first I saw the morning after and has since been noticed by practically everyone. The couple is riding their 15minutes of fame and even providing interviews...
 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - -- - -

I feel like this past week or so has been busy for me. I'm not sure what it is that has been keeping me busy so it could just be all in my mind. I've been trying to slow down and trying to work through some feelings that I know are poisoning my mind (so to speak). I don't like that I feel like I'm angry so much lately and so I'm trying to focus on me, and all the little things that I enjoy and love. I'm trying to take steps to rebuild relationships that have been suffering these past few months, but to do that I need to also decide which ones should be rebuilt and which ones should be let go (more on that later).

On Wednesday I went to an old friends house. She lives on one of the islands nearby, but used to be my neighbour as a child. We grew apart a bit as we entered high school (different groups of friends combined with her moving as her parents divorced), in the past I would say 5 years we have been talking casual over facebook and since her moving closer to me we have been saying "we need to get together" over and over again. Now we finally have, twice actually in the past two months. It's interesting to me how we can go so long, and grow so far apart to only come back together and be as if we never missed a thing. We talk for HOURS, and not just catching up, we talk about memories, stuff we missed, stuff thats going on now, the conversation just naturally changes and we don't hold anything back. Its really comforting, especially with everything else that's gone on these past few months. 

- - - - - - -  - - - - - -  - -

Yesterday was fathers day... not really a day that has had much of a significance in my life. It still is not really a day I do too much for, and so yesterday I sent a text message to my step dad, and one to my bio dad wishing a happy fathers day. That's all. No cards this year or special dinners, I'm sure they both were celebrating the day with their daughters and my words were probably just a sweet afterthought added to their day. In the past I have gotten my step dad a card and joined them for dinner, but this year I was also working which I didn't mind.

And so when I got home from work I made Hubby and I a most delicious dinner :) I was quite proud of myself, and proud of hubby for eating most of his lobster tail (when we met he wouldn't eat anything that had lived in water)

My homemade surf and turf dinner - Lobster tails, shrimp, steak, and Caesar salad - yumm :)